Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Threesome Threeway Ménage à trois

Threesomes are a classic fantasy.  They rate as one of the top fantasies for men and are right up there for women too.

Most people have probably fantasised about what it would be like to have sex with two people at the same time, but only a small percentage of people actually make the fantasy a reality.

Usually a threesome involves a couple inviting another person to join them in bed, often a close and trusted friend but sometimes a willing stranger. It can be an erotically charged event because our society views sex with more than one person at a time a taboo.

Why do people want threesomes?

Many people want to be faithful to their partner but consider monogamy unrealistic and so a threesome provides a way to introduce a third person openly and with the consent of both partners.

You’re still enjoying sex as a couple but you get to indulge with another person too.

Having a third person witness your raunchy sex antics also adds an exhibitionistic thrill, which can encourage you to feel and behave differently in bed.

And it allows you to indulge any voyeuristic tendencies by watching, listening to and smelling the scents of your lover making love to another person.

Could a threesome work?

Possibly, if you are absolutely secure in your relationship and in your sex life as a couple, and experience no jealousy whatsoever when it comes to your partner and the other way around.

But how many people can genuinely tick all of these boxes?

The Idea is often more alluring than the reality.
The idea of watching your partner get up close and very personal with another woman, which is what most guys mean when they request a threesome, is often more alluring than the reality.

And it’s often difficult to predict in advance how you might feel about it. You may think it sounds exciting purely from a sexual point of view, but the emotions that come into play often catch people off guard. 

The question is, can you both act out this fantasy without jeopardising your relationship?

And how will you feel the next day, when your mind replays the scenes of the night before? If you know it will make you feel insecure about your performance as a lover, or in your partnership, it’s not for you.

Are there any pluses?

You might have the most amazing erotic experience with two lovers. You could learn some new techniques, or discover something new about your partner from watching him interact sexually with someone else. 

What rules should be followed for threesomes?

Firstly, never feel pressured into any sexual act or event that you’re not comfortable with. It’s your right to say no. And don’t respond to emotional blackmail. If you risk losing your partner because you disagree on a threesome, let him go. You need to do what makes you feel empowered in your relationship, and not powerless.

Here are some rules if you proceed:
1. Discuss the idea of a threesome with your partner first before approaching the potential third party. Surprising your lover with a threesome is not a good idea. 
2. Be cautious when you choose who you are going to approach. You don’t want to lose any good friends by making a request that may not be appreciated. The same goes for colleagues and acquaintances.
3. Always practise safer sex.  No matter how ‘safe’ you think the third person is.
4. Agree on the rules before you begin. You need to discuss who is allowed to do what to whom. If you don’t want your man to have full-on intercourse with the other woman (or man), specify this. Ditto for you.
5. Don’t feel you have to do anything that doesn’t appeal to you.
6. Start slowly. For instance, begin by massaging each other and see how this feels. Then if anyone decides not to continue, you have the option.
7. If at any stage anyone feels uncomfortable and wants to withdraw, while allowing the other two to continue, agree on this – or agree to call a halt altogether.
8. If you’re fine with continuing, try to divide your time equally between both partners so that they feel valued and included. If you’re left out of the action, try not to take it personally. Rather agree beforehand that everyone gets a turn and make sure you put this into action.
9. If anyone starts feeling upset, agree to stop. Choose a safe word with your partner that means ‘I absolutely want to stop now’. And don’t be afraid to call time out. 
10. Reassure your partner afterwards.  They may need to hear from you that you found him very sexy, especially if you have a threesome with another man. The same goes for you – you may need to hear some reassuring words from him afterwards, especially if you felt the other woman was sexier or hotter in bed than you.

A final thought.  If your guy is really set on having a threesome with another woman but you’re not too sure, how about asking him if he’s also prepared to indulge your fantasy of a threesome with another man?

You may be surprised by his answer. And it just may provide both of you the answer as a couple. 


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11 comments:

Melanie said...

I can say with absolute certainty that this would be the worst idea ever in my relationship on soooo many levels. I don't see us walking down that road...

Brian Miller said...

your thoughts are solid. now that i am married i dont think we will go there as it is so easy for jealousy. i knew a public 3 some about 3 years ago who were completely happy.

Marisa said...

Haha, I've always told the ol' man that if we do a threesome, it's gotta be with a paid lady, no emotions, just sex, that's what the threesome's all about right? Love your blog. Can't wait to read more!!!

Mark said...

I would just like a third person around to help clean. That would really turn me on.
m.

Cyn said...

I think threesomes in theory work better than in reality...

Nolens Volens said...

There's a major reason why so many threesomes don't work...jealousy/insecurity.

I have had threesomes and foursomes and the only time any of that did not work was a foursome when the hubby freaked out over my size and stamina.

I absolutely agree that rules must be agreed upon beforehand. Surprising your lover with a threesome is okay only if the lover has had that fantasy. ;)

Well-thought out post.

Amanda said...

I've never wanted a 3some. Yet I actually tried once to be the 3rd. I was bored and the dude skeezed me out. Not much was accomplished/done. I did, however, get pancakes out of the deal. So that was the only highlight.

Mike Smith said...

A threesome eh? One for a shag, one to get the beer and the other to get the cigarettes...

Monkey Man said...

For me...monogamy all the way. A threesome might be an interesting fantasy, but I'll keep it at that.

Xmas Dolly said...

Well, that is surely well thought out, and you have covered every do and don'ts! I don't think the hubby would go for another man, but I'm sure he'd go for a woman, and probably a couple of women. As for me, nahhhh I use to be one of those LETS GET IT ON! But now I'm just a make love to me kind of person. Love the Post though girlfriend!

DCHY said...

Interesting post. What brought that on? Curiousity? Not judging or anything. :)

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