10 Things I Learned Recently

Happy June, my lovely Plonkers

Welcome to my birthday month!  It's gonna be a goodie, I can feel it in my 40 year old bones [feel free to send expensive gifts and cash, I really do have to finish my tattoo sleeve].  

Daffy Duck sung it best in this episode

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And when in doubt try a briefcase full of money...and not on to the actual post....

1.  The Movie 21 and Over made me giggle like an old whore who found a ribbed cucumber.

2. Being a Study Buddy to a ten year old can be both fun and frustrating.   Who knew the Life Cycle of Water could be learned in song?  Just call me... Super-Mum!

3.  It's better to do one thing really, really well than putting you're finger in too many pies.  

3. Never underestimate the power and instantaneousness of Google.

4. I'm loving the series Mrs Brown's Boys. Its fekkin' hilarious.  Do you think its appropriate  for my 7 year old to be watching??




5.  I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.  I shite you not.  Everything is either boiled or deep fried.  Everything tastes like slippery cardboard.

6.  I've become addicted to The Royal Bump Watch.  Kate Middleton is such a cute preggie Mum-to-Be.

7.   Anything that comes in a can and has an expiry date one year later, can NOT be good for you.

8.  It's not what you say, it's what you do.

9.  Wearing my favourite perfume makes me feel confident and sexy.

10.  No steel or wooden stake can pierce the human heart so chillingly as a full stop at the right moment.

Friday's Shoegasm and being two feet ahead of the rest.

I'd Walk a mile in any one of these . . .

Such adorable shoes....I just never can get enough of a great pair of stillettos.  I have also decided to refurbish one of my old bookshelves to display my shoes in my room instead of having them in boxes at the bottom of my cupboard. 

Not a bad idea, hey Plonkers? 

Iron Fist Peep Toe Boots By Zando R359

Via Marte Blue Wedges available at Zando R749

Zoom Silver Platforms R419 at Zando

Via Marte Pointed Stilletto R579 at Zando



Launch Wedges at Zando R329


Don't forget to enter my Zando Gift Voucher Giveaway.  You could win one of ten Gift Vouchers.  It ends today so get in there, quick !

I've had quite an eventful week but its made me realise a few wee things:

I love a cuppa vanilla tea and a rusk on winter's morning.
I love colleages that bring in tastey treats JUST when you need them.
I love when prayers are answered.
I love when my Mum phones me just to say hello.
I love giving wee presents for no reason.
I love my Boerewors, without him I am nothing.
I love the support I get from friends when I forget that sometimes I really do need a shoulder to lean on.
I love organising parties.
I am sooper stoked about meeting a blogger friend today - all the way from France.
I have an opportunity in the pipeline that could be huge.

Have a KICK ARSE weekend, my lovelies and remember to pop in tomorrow to find out who won the Caption my Photo Competition this week.

Take a Nipple Stand. Get a Grope

Get a Grope


This dude gets to grope a whole bunch o' titties.



10 Things to Do with Boobs

1.  Jump
Watch those tahtahs bounce. If you hubby doesn't allow you to jump on the bed, buy a trampoline and jump for joy!


2.Glass Press
This is an especially sexy move to do while you're taking a shower. Or, if you don’t have a glass door shower, you can use any window pane in his view, like the one that faces the backyard while he’s mowing the lawn. Get your girls pressed up against the glass, and we’ll bet he’ll find a way to get to you.


3. Cleveage Lipstick
And then leave your mark all over him! This move was made famous by Molly Ringwald in “The Breakfast Club.” However, not one person on YouTube has uploaded the clip (WTF Plonkers?!), but this blond chick can show you how. Basically, all you have to do is squeeze your boobs together with your arms, stick a lipstick (or a lip gloss wand makes this trick easier) in your cleave, tilt your head down and around, and voila! The perfect, sexy pout.


4. Dress the Twins
Everything looks better behind a thin veil of satin, lace, feathers, whipped cream.  I have two words for ye WONDER BRA ... . Even guys who say they don’t care about lingerie will perk up if they see you in something sexy. Work it!


5. Cup Dip
Climb on top of his lap and lean forward into his face. It’s distracting. It’s a great tease to do when someone is trying to undress you. This Brilliant Boob Move makes it harder/better/slower/funner.

6. Tassle Twirl
OK, so this woman is clearly a pro.  She is Jo Boobs and she wrote the book on how to twirl tassels and all the other fucking sexy burlesque moves. But even if you can’t bend over backwards covered in beading and glitter, there is still a tassel that you can work! Just practice a little first and then you’ll love watching drawers drop.

7.  The Finish Line
Yes, that’s a euphemism. But if you’re not trying to make a baby, it’s a fun way to get him to pull out and go out with a bang!


8.  Shimmy Yer Shakers

Turn on some tunes and shake it like a Polaroid picture. Is there anything better than the simple pleasure of watching boobs jiggle?

9.  Pocket Rockets

Hide a surprise he'd like in your tits, perhaps a sexy note with an even sexier suggestion written on it.


10.  Wet T-Shirt
Put on a white or light-colored shirt. Pour water. And BAM! Heck, just writing this got “Pour Some Sugar On Me” stuck in my head.

21 Signs You're in Lurve

Take a squizz at how blatantly obvious being "in love" can be

1. You find yourself sending a blank message by "accident" to start up a conversation.  Any excuse will do.

2. Although you're in a huge hurry to get to work, you walk really slowly when you're with them.

3. Your iPod is filled with Justin Bieber (aka their favourite singer).

4. You might be guilty of reading texts from them over and over again.

5. You add an extra smear of lipgloss at the end of the day because you know you'll see him in gym class.  You check out your hair in the mirror every five minutes just in case he pops in for a visit or bump into him at the shops.

6. You double take anyone who wears their cologne or perfume.

7. You agnoise over how long it should take before you reply to their Facebook messages.

9. You feel like they just "get" you.

10.  They're on your mind while you're reading this.  In fact you were so busy thinking about your lurve that you didn't realise No. 8 is missing.

11.  Suddenly you can relate every lyric of every love song to how you feel.

12.  When you're on the phone and it's time to hang up you think of something else to say just so you can talk a minute or two long.  You hang up, no,  you hang up!

13.  They're ALL you think about.

14.  You make a special effort to make sure their friends love you - not like, love.

15.  Your conversation with your pals revolves entirely around them. 

16.  You catch them staring at you.

17.  You just don't care about other guys or girls anymore, just him or her. Awwww

18.  You laugh at all their daft jokes - even though half of them are as funny as watching Wimbledon.  Oh the fucking hilarity!

19.  You strategically position yourself between him or her and any girl or boy who talks to them.

20.  You can't wipe the huge stoopid grin off yer face when you see a text from them.

21.  You check their Facebook page about 12 times a day - maybe 13.

So is it lurve with you?

10 Things I Learned Recently

One thing at a time!

The power of the mind is limitless.

2012 is going to be a fucking awesome year!

Pinerest is addictive 

It makes me soopa happy when I get a drawing from my children made especially for me. 

I’m a sucker for special, handwritten notes and kidde’s art.

I am totally overworked and underpaid for what I do.

 Fat Free Chocolate Slimma’s taste awesome when you’re on the Dukan Diet.  I’m in heaven!

When people make promises, then don’t always keep them.

All good things come to those who wait – and pray.

Holidays are something super special to look forward to.

Blog Challenge - 10 Things I Love About You

Laura said "I was going to just post this but then decided it might be fun to make it a Blog Challenge!"

All you have to do is write a blog post or leave a comment with the 10 things you love about “whoever” or "whatever".  It can be your partner, your child, a particular day,  you dog, your boss, a chocolate, a wine – anything really!

For My Boerewors:

I love the way you know what mood I’m in by just looking at me.


I love your sillyness.

I love the way you kiss my forehead in the check out queque at the supermarket.

I love your smile.

I love the way you hold me tight when the storm is loud.

I love that you appreciate me and tell me so.

I love your generousity to your family and others.

I love that you talk to me about “when we are old and grey” even thought we are already grey.

I love that you love me for my weaknesses as well as my strengths.

I love your committment to our marriage and family.