Monday, 26 July 2010

Women vs Men in the Shower

How To Shower Like a Woman 

  • Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. 
  • Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. 
  • If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas in case he wants to grope you. 
  • Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. 
  • Get in the shower. 
  • Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 
  • Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 
  • Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 
  • Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. 
  • Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 
  • Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 
  • Rinse conditioner off hair. 
  • Shave armpits and legs. 
  • Turn off shower. 
  • Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. 
  • Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. 
  • Get out of shower. 
  • Dry with towel the size of a small country. 
  • Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 
  • Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 
  • If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 
How To Shower Like a Man 
  • Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
  • Scratch yer crotch. 
  • Walk naked to the bathroom, cocking yer leg to crack a loud stanky fart. 
  • If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 
  • Look at your manly physique in the mirror and flex yer biceps. 
  • Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. 
  • Get in the shower. 
  • Wash your face. 
  • Wash your armpits. 
  • Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 
  • Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Try and squeeze out another one.
  • Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 
  • Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. 
  • Wash your hair. 
  • Make a Shampoo Mohican 
  • Pee. 
  • Partially dry off. 
  • Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. 
  • Admire willy size in mirror again. 
  • Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 
  • Return to bedroom with towel around waist. 
  • If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 
  • Throw wet towel on bed.

5 comments:

AmyLK said...

So very acurrate! lol

Jill said...

Hilarious...the shaking willy thing happens constantly at my house. Actually, he can turn it into a propeller! And my husband has never been able to figure out how to dry off. We also have a rule that he can't watch me shave. Who knew showering was so complicated!

Sandra said...

This is the funniest thing I have read in such a long time, I am shaking with laughter! Wish I could steal it and put it on my blog! I won't...but I want to!

Anonymous said...

Completely sexist

Thomas Walsh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails