Monday, 28 February 2011

Monday Male - Through a Bloke's Eyes

My Main Man, El Jefe who has an award winning blog (just like mine, of course) has agreed to become a regular Guest Blogger over here. 

What do you think aboot that? 

Are you as excited as I am?  Not yet?  You will be.   

I think he's fucking hysterical and I'm sure you'll love him too. 

Originally from Ames, Iowa, El Jefe is currently a Spanish and ELL teacher in Iowa coaching football (aka soccer) and basketball.   He's a family man who likes to run, play soccer, read, play the guitar, write songs, and lounge around the house in his boxers. 

Go visit over at El Blog de Steve.


From a Guy’s Point of View…

My buddy and I were talking this week and, as usual, we got to talking about women.  We came to the conclusion that there are a lot of guys on the internet that write about relationships, they act like they know the opposite sex or think they can explain them . I think it is all crap, that these guys don't know the first thing about women. I have dated a lot of women, been around them for most of my life, and I would never say I am an expert on women.  I don't think any guy can.  
Today though I will set a few things straight and explain some undeniable FACTS about the fairer gender.

Women don't poop

I have never seen a woman “lay a log”, nor have I ever heard one express the fact that they got the "green splats."  I bet there is some scientific research out there that says women don't produce any excrement and also don't fart. (sidenote: because of this you can no longer refer to a women's ass as a Hershey highway and you absolutely cannot refer to yourself as her personal brown eyed master.) 

Women like it when you say, "You are just like your mother."

There is no way to end an argument better, she will instantly be happy and will agree with anything you say after that.  If she replies that she will, "cut your willie off for saying that" she is just playing around, but make sure you hide any cutlery in the home just to be on the safe side.
Dutch Ovens are an acceptable, no wait, preferred form of foreplay
Women like the way men smell, this is just a natural extension of this theory. Try it tonight, I am sure she will stay under the covers and not come up for air for a long time.

A casual reminder that a pair of jeans makes her ass look fat is considered to be very helpful

In order to look out for your woman, make sure you let her know, without her asking, that she looks fat in a pair of jeans. They will appreciate you looking out for them.  She may be mad at first, but then she will realize that you are protecting her and actually paying attention to her.  Brownie points galore for this one. 

The most romantic thing you can do after a night of drinking with your friends is to…-

Sneak into the bedroom, take off your pants, and tap her on her forehead with your willie saying, "Mr. Wiggly wants to play." There isn't a more romantic way to wake a woman up, 9 out of 10 women escorts surveyed agree! 

There you have it guys! Make sure you employ this knowledge and these techniques as soon as possible for a happier and healthier relationship. Ladies, there is no need to thank me, I have given you a voice that you have so longed to have

3 comments:

A Beer for the Shower said...

You're right: women don't poop. Yet somehow my girlfriend still manages to annihilate my reserves of Charmin every weekend.

Akelamalu said...

Hysterical!

Steve Bossenberger said...

THANKS For Posting it! I am glad to be a regular on your incredible award winning blog. I look forward to contributing every way I can!

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