Foul Language

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Number 2

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch!

Number 3

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this by?

Number 4

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!

Number 5

TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

Number 6

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit!

Number 7

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

Number 8

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number 9

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

Number 10

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his arse.

Number 12

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass!

Number 14

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

Number 15

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your arse.

Number 16

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD O F: This fucking job sucks.

Number 17

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

Thank You,

Human Resources

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Music Monday

Xmas Dolly always has a Music Monday Moves Me. Go check it out and of course yours truly is featured today! 

Here are my choices today.

Jackie Evancho - yes it is her real voice - on America's Got Talent.



The Voices of Angels.  the Choirboys.

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Brazillian Blow

At first when I heard this new concept, I thought - WTF?

We all know what the Brazillian Wax is and what it looks like - now Brazillian Blow?  I thought "Jaysus, I have to find out what THAT is!"

Well, Plonkers, its a new Progressive hair straightening system that has finally arrived in South Africa!  It's not dirty at all!  (I must say I was a little disappointed)

Here's what its all about...

Its a Hydro Progressive Hair Straightening, or more popularly known as the Permanent Blow Dry.

Girls with unruly curls, celebrate: a new straightening system from Brazil is arriving in South Africa, ready to tame even the worst-behaved hair. The process, called “hidro escova progressiva” (hydro progressive blow-dry) heat-seals the hair cuticle with keratin and vitamins (however this is not the same as keratin treatment as that is only a surface treatment).

Progressive hair straightening is a method of breaking the hair structure and rebuilding it in a new way and it really wipes out the frizz. Unlike Japanese thermal straightening, which is basically a perm in reverse, the Progressive straightening system causes minimal damage to the hair. 

Applications last about 3-4 months, depending on the hair type. However, as the name implies, the treatment is progressive, and each time you have it done, your hair becomes straighter with less frizz.

What makes it different?

Unlike other straightening systems (Ukon or Japanese straightening) the treatment will fade away gradually, meaning that it will eventually grow out and leave you with natural waves once more (less frizz though). It also takes less salon time and generally costs less than the Yuko or Opti-Smooth system. The treatment leaves the hair with more body than the Yuko System and can be used on dyed/bleached as well as virgin hair. The system is also more cost effective as no special equipment is required. Also, the Tropical system does not have formaldehyde in as some of the other Brazilian blow dry treatments have. Formaldehyde can cause poisoning for both stylist and client.

What the celebrities are saying

The Secret is out.  Nicole Richie recently took to her Twitter account to recommend "Brazilian Blow Dry" after a fan asked what she does to maintain her straight and frizz free hair.

"A good friend turned me on to a new hair straightening method called the Brazilian blow dry and I’m completely inspired to share it with you! I have curly hair and it can be quite a headache to deal with. If you have curls, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.  Hours spent blow-drying and avoiding the rain and humidity. I always thought I could never be one of those girls who just leaves the house without doing her hair… until now." - Nicole Richie.

At  R900 a pop!  I won't be rushing out anytime soon (unless I get a a fat surprise bonus - who the fuck am I kidding) to get the Brazzie Blow.

Recently Megan set the table for dinner complete with cold beer, wine, condements and name cards. Bless her!  Thought I'd share it with you guys...

My silly family

Megan's table setting

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The Ultimate Blog P-A-R-T-Y

 2011 Ultimate Blog Party is being held by 5MinutesforMom from April 1 - 8th.  My Blog Party is a little different from everyone else's...most of you know I LOVE a good party.  The proof is HERE and HERE

But for My Blog Party, I put my feet up, grab a colourful and tastey cocktail and read many of the blogs and Tweeters that link up.  

So, join me and you could win some awesome prizes and find some other cool blogs to start following and reading.

Some others do it THIS way!  Go Gurls, cupcakes, party dresses, the whole bang-toot.

P-A-R-T- Why? Coz I gotta! 

For those new visitors - I'm a straight-talking Scots Lass who blogs about her life as a wife and hard-working mother of two wee gorgeous and busy lassies.  I usually don't have anything profound to say, I don't have masses of giveaways, I just have the priveledge of having some of my followers leave me comments every now and then on the drivell I write.  

I guess you would say I'm "an aquired taste". 

So, if you entertain the regular use four-letter words on your blog and if you're not shy to talk openly about coitus and fellatio then I'm yer gal and stick around for some good laffs.

I huge HELLO to new visitors.  Don't forget to leave a comment or I can visit you too.

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Fawk You Friday, Shoegasm Shizzle and a Fizzy 55

So it's Fawk You Friday again!  Can you believe it?  Well my lovelies, head on over to Boobies, Babies and a Blog and link up.  Have some stinky cheese with your whine and let it all hang oot!

My Fuck You's this week:

Fuck you to my car's clutch cable that snapped in the middle of a busy traffic circle during rush-hour at 4pm in the afternoon just about 500m from my daughter's school.  All those fuckers peeping and gesturing for me to get out the way.  Where the fuck must I go when my car doesn't have a clutch and I'm on an incline.  Do I crawl up my own arsehole? Piss off!  

However, My Knight-In-Shining-Boerewors came to my rescue with tow car and tow rope.  Smart man!  I was in tears on the way home because I didn't know how to keep the rope tight without my breaks smelling like they were going to explode or trying to view all this through streaming tears.  

Story not over.  It happened again yesterday!  It snapped off mid-busy intersection and my Knight-In-Shining-Boerewors had to come to my rescue again.  He deserves a medal for coming to the rescue again, even though his wife was screaming down the phone at him.  I'm deeply sorry for taking out my frustrations on you!  I would rather evacuate my bowels in a public place than go through that again.


Fuck You to my stupid scale.  It hasn't budged since I started gym two weeks ago.  I thought I'd have lost at least 1 fekkin kilogram by now.  Urgh!  Keep plodding along on that Orbitrek machine, gurl!

Head on over to G-Man and sign up for Flash Fiction Friday and write a complete story in 55 words.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

Sugar Free and yet sweet

Dark and Lovely

500mls of soft,

carbonated black beauty

Caffeine and Phenylalanine  loaded

Nice constant Buzzzzz

4 kilojoules of yumminess

0 grams of guilt-free fat

40mg of Sodium that’s 2% of your GDA

GDA – Guideline Daily Amount

Recyclable Plastic Bottle

Chug it down

Aahhhh!

Coke Lite does it for me!

Its Friday's Shoegasm over at  Peace Love Appelsauce

Go Link up and enjoy all the Heels



$669 at FabCrush

Orange (my favourite colour) Louboutin Knock-Offs $142

For the up-and-coming Royal Wedding  from Irregular Choice

Irregular Choice GBP79.99

Irregular Choice GBP129.99

I wish someone in the UK could send me a pair of Irregular Choice shoozies.  I'm a SA Size 4 if anyone wants to surprise me for my birthday in June.

I couldn't help but throw in a handbag because its so damn cute from Irregular Choice for GBP79.99.  Boy, do they have the most adorable accessories or what?. 

Have a BRILLIANT weekend and don't do anything I would do.  Bazinga!

April Fools!

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