Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Foul Language

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Number 2

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch!

Number 3

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this by?

Number 4

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!

Number 5


INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

Number 6

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit!

Number 7

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

Number 8

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number 9

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

Number 10

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his arse.

Number 12

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass!

Number 14

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

Number 15

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your arse.

Number 16

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD O F: This fucking job sucks.

Number 17

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

Thank You,

Human Resources

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BlaBla said...

Dear Human Resources

Your "Try Saying" memo has been received and read. I LOL-ed. Lots.

I will endeavour to use as many of the suggested phrases as possible. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll manage to change #8 any time soon. My life is way too full of interesting opportunities where use of the traditional "What The Fuck?!!" is decidedly the better option.


Aaron M. Gipson said...

I think my company could take alot of pointers from this memo...

DCHY said...

So, you're not familiar with the issues. That's interesting. I think you could use more training. I don't think you understand. Really. ;)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

This is great. The cheesy picture of the smiling soldier, even better.
Be well!

Joker_SATX said...

ROTFLMAO! No shit! Really!

Fiona said...

For a brief moment I honestly thought this was a mail you received from your company today. It was a VERY brief moment though ;-)
Funny post!

Fiona said...

For a brief moment I honestly thought this was a mail you received from your company today. It was a VERY brief moment though ;-)
Funny post!

Copyboy said...

Where there's a will there's a F%$^$% way!

THUNDERCAT832 said...

lmfao I think my manager is gonna post this on her front door lmfao I'm such a little clump of ass lint at work lol

Daffy said...

Dear Human Resources,

Due to your shitty ass pay and no raises, I have not been able to fund any higher education. This means I can not read nor use words bigger than fuck you, fuck off, kiss my ass, and suck your own dick shit head.

Thanks for the memo, I'm sure it helped someone!


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