Tuesday, 12 April 2011

12 Things Men think Women know

Doing a survey to check my observations, here are the following twelve things men think women know:

1. Saturdays are made for sport, but not necessarily taking part in it. Being a supporter in front of the TV for four consecutive rugby matches is totally normal.  Salty snacks are mandatory.
2. Any joke about ‘farting’ is fucking hysterically funny.
3. Leaving suspicious ‘skid marks’ in their underwear is part of life and if they could they would get their partner to rate their "break marks" outta ten.
4. Pissing outside on the grass is much better than doing it the conventional way in a toilet.  And its especially entertaining when you can write your name in the snow or dirt.
5. When they are totally relaxed in front of the TV the best place for their dominant hand is right on the Crown Jewels (aka Al Bundy style).
6. In addition, if it itches it will scratched.
7. Undies are totally uncomfortable and will only be worn when strictly necessary, like going to work.
8. When inside the shower, the rock star inside every man awakens. Whether it is Pavarotti or Kurt Darren, you’re in for a show unless you’re lucky enough to have a sound-proof door which can be closed.
9. They are all closet ‘Grey's Anatomy’ fans but will never admit to it.  They think McSteamy is just as hot as they are.
10. They can ‘rev’ anything from a car to the electric toothbrush, the mixer, shaver or lawnmower.  Everything should be fitted with a turbo or super charger.   They'd probably make "Vroom Vroom" sounds when we're getting busy if they could get away with it.
11. Their whole diet can be prepared on an outside braai.
12. Men grouped together measure their seniority by the length of their dicks. Not sure yet how they know it, but I suppose it’s their special male sixth sense.

Blokes....am I right or am I right? 
Girls...can I hear a Whoooohooo?


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21 comments:

Matty said...

Pretty close. Although I've never seen Grey's Anatomy and have no desire to either. I could easily live on food made on the barbie. And women don't always get a lot of our jokes. I crack a joke and my wife just gives me the blank stare, and says "it must be a man thing".

David Barber said...

Hahaha!! You nailed it with 11 out of 12 for me. I've never, ever watched an episode of Greys Anatomy.

And.....whoopeee!! I'm a winner!! I'll email you.

Freddy said...

Ahh I must be an exception, 1 out of 12 for me, and even then I'm likely to restrain the urge to scratch in mixed company :-)

Jazzy E (hivennn) said...

Haha oh my. x hivennn

Mark said...

You're talking Straight Men, right? You must be because I don't fit in anywhere on your list.
Your New Friend, m.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

#3 - is why I wear boxer-briefs... No thanks on the banana hammock riding up there and turning into a thong, tyvm.

#9 - it was America's next top model for me, but I eventually got over it, when Tyra Banks turned batshit insane.

#12 - Guys will always have some sort of penis envy. Even me, who is fairly blessed. When you find out your woman has been with other men before you, you automatically start wondering if they were bigger.

Fairly spot-on list... *scratch scratch*

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Hey Mark. Thanx for stopping by.

Next time I'll try to remember that its not just straight men that read my blog!!!

Unconditionally You said...

LMAO@ vroom vroom during sex! Literally picking myself up off the floor here... hahahahahahaha.

Akelamalu said...

Having been married FOREVER I knew most of those. ;)

TS Hendrik said...

Hey, it takes a special talent to rev an electric toothbrush. haha

Melanie said...

I agree and am totally following!!

Matthew MacNish said...

In America, football is on Sundays. Otherwise, yes, you're right.

Lena said...

lol...Being the only female in the house, I get this kinda stuff threefold!!.....heeeeeellllllpppp!

Copyboy said...

No comment. hrrrmph! haha

Aaron M. Gipson said...

Meh...I got about three out of these that apply to me. But I'm a pretty weird guy!

Not So Simply Single said...

ROTFLMAO! You are HILARIOUS!

Thank you for the smile!

Lisa

Not So Simply Single said...

P.S. If it itches, you don't necessarily get to scratch it...at a fine dining restaurant and then look at me blankly and say

"WHAT"?

Stupid men...

Lisa

SB said...

My hubby is so there on the farting. He looks up YouTube videos specfic to that purpose lol

Boobies said...

Whoooohooo for sure! Men are dirty creatures. (Sorry guys...you kinda are though.)

My oldest son will piss outside even if there is NO ONE in the bathroom...he's killed all the grass directly off the back porch doing so. (I should blog about that.) Sickos! ;)

Steve Bossenberger said...

Yes, men are dirty, sick and disgusting creatures, but honestly ladies ... You wouldn't want us any other way! That dirty and disgusting quantity that we have is like a little turn-on for most women.

Daffy said...

I don't think the underwear thing is gender specific. I hate wearing them under most circumstances. I do most generally wear them to work however. Being in a special ed room I want an additional barrier between the seats and my skin. You just never know what the fluids you encounter REALLY are!

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