Monday, 14 June 2010

Your 2010 Fifa World Cup Questions Answered

These questions about South were posted on a South African Tourism Website by foreigners around the world and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) 
A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? (Sweden) 
A: So its true what they say about Swedes...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffreys Bay? (UK) 
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
 A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? (USA)
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? (France) 
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? (Germany) 
A: Not yet, but for you, we ' ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? 
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) 
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but youll have to learn it first.


Mike Smith said...


HOOTIN' ANNI said... the one about the elephants...and the answer!! Too good. I really enjoyed this post.

Dutch donut girl said...

They were all funny, but my favorite:

"Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour."


kirstyb said...

can u do me a favor - the like button on my blog had the wrong code so anyone that clicked on it this morning didnt get counted - can u go back and click on it for me?

Thanks xxxxx

Eric said...

Em, these are funny, but wouldn't you turn 180 degrees from South to be facing North in South Africa?

Brian Miller said...

what kills me is knowing these people were serious when they asked

Ed Pilolla said...

my favorite is just use your fingers like we do.

Ami said...

I KNEW that the USA was not the only place full of smart asses.

Jinedin said...

A tremendous start to the day. Thanks!
Rather heavy on questions from the USA...did you ever see Miss South Carolina's beautiful answer in Miss Teen USA 2007?
Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina answers a question


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