Thursday, 12 August 2010

Fanny Farts

It’s a fairly common occurrence, but one which can be embarrassing and uncomfortable for many women and usually has their partners slappin' their thighs and pointing and laughing in hysterics. 

But the truth is that Fanny Farts (often referred to colloquially as 'queefing') is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s a fairly routine side effect of 'getting busy'.

If you can get get past the giggling, you can continue to have a perfectly normal and pleasurable bonk.

What causes fanny farts?

The cause of Queefing is fairly straightforward. It is the result of a build-up of air in your Pink Taco, caused by repeated penetration and release.  As his Jolly Roger moves in and out, a suction effect takes place and air can become trapped in the Velvet Underground .

After intercourse, that extra air is expelled, resulting in what sounds like a traditional fart, but which contains no odour, as it does not involve gas from the intestines.

In most cases, Fanny Farts are more of a cause for embarrassment than concern, however if the resulting flatulence does have an odour then you need to pay more attention as this could be a symptom of a more serious condition called colovaginal fistula. 

Colovaginal fistula is a tearing between the colon and vagina. It often occurs after surgery or child birth, and can lead to urinary tract infection or other complications. If you do have colovaginal fistula you’ll need to see your doctor so that it can be properly treated.

Minimise vaginal flatulence by doing Kegel exercises

The easiest and most effective is performing Kegel exercises to strengthen the Muff Muscles. All this involves is squeezing the muscles you use to prevent yourself from urinating. Simply squeeze and hold for 5 seconds and release, then repeat 25 times in a row. The best part about doing Kegels is that they are so easy to do, you can literally do them anywhere ... at your desk, in your car, anywhere you have a few spare minutes.

Use lubrication during sex

Another step you can take is to use your favourite strawberry flavoured lubrication during sex. Lubricating helps to lessen friction, which prevents the vacuum effect during The Nasty, thus lessening the possibility of air building up. With lubrication making entrance and exit much smoother and easier, it can make for a much more comfortable experience and, who knows, you may even produce strawberry flavoured queefs. 



Make changes to your sexual technique

You can also make subtle changes to your sexual technique which can help ease Vaggie flatulence problems. Using shorter strokes, thus preventing the Love Rod from exiting and entering too frequently during doing the "dooga-dooga".  This can lessen the possibility of air being trapped. 

Nobody likes to discuss the subject of Fanny Farts (except me of course), but it is important to realise that it is nothing to be embarrassed about. Most mature men think nothing of it, so try not to let it affect your enjoyment of you 'gettin' busy'. So its okay to have a giggle when it happens!



Some of the ladies over at Glamour blog Smitten decided that 'queef' is a fucking horrible name for the Fanny Fart and decided to rename it. 

The main contenders were Victory Honk, Brazilian Breeze (in honour of your Lady Garden's hairstyle) and the 'V-Puff'. 

What do you call it?

18 comments:

AmyLK said...

OMG! I laughed through this ENTIRE post! lol

Ami said...

I'm laughing, too. This is the first time I've ever read a single word about this subject.

Sending the link to some friends now.

rofl

Akelamalu said...

LOL thanks for the explanation. ;)

Blasé said...

Pussy-Puffin'

I know of a woman who can make her pussy belch without sexual penetration.

justsomethoughts... said...

the number of euphemisms in your blog is astounding and hilarious


that having been said, i would like to cast my vote for v-puff

The Invisible Seductress said...

Buwahahahaha....

V-Puff....My vote!! How could it NOT be??

JoeinVegas said...

V-puff?

SamiJoe said...

Bwahahahahahaha!

This post ROCKS!

Dutch donut girl said...

The Muff Muscles?
*snorting out loud)

Thanks for the strawberry flavoured lubrication tip!

Kim Ayres said...

What on earth is wrong with the word queef? I think it's a superb one, No need to change it.

I even mentioned it on my blog once

Matty said...

I love your choice of words. Nothing like being right up front about things.

~J said...

FUNNIEST.POST.EVER!

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