I met a Brilliant Blogger

Two weeks ago, I found out that one of my favourite Ginger Ninja bloggers was coming to South Africa. What are the frikken odds, right? I couldn't let the opportunity go by, so I emailed her.  I asked her if, by any chance, she was coming to Johannesburg.  She was. Yipeeee!

I gave her my mobile number and told her to phone me when she was in town and we could make a date to get together for lunch or coffee or something.

I got the phone call on Thursday to say she was in town and we made a date to meet for coffee on Friday afternoon.  I was soopa stoked.

Not only was it GREAT to meet a fellow blogger, but it was brilliant to meet Jenette, Rooikat Back in France.  She's as bloody nuts as I am.  I of course I mean that in a good way.

J is a bundle of energy and, from the moment I met her face-to-face, I knew she had interesting stories to tell.  She sure did and made me feel like an old fart.  I told her that my life seemed so dull and boring compared to her colourful and jetset lifestyle. 

Jenette loves to travel, speaks French, is a Couch Surfer, which makes her life very exotic and exciting.  Oh, I know I didn't know what couch surfing was either.  Chatting to her, I felt like her wrinkled elderly aunty but she is bubbly and energetic and it was hard not to get as excited about life as she is.  She talks as much as I do and I love her animated nature.

One HUGE regret I have, I forgot to take pictures of us together.  I'm such a dittery old Fucker!

Now go and read her post about our meeting.

Thanx again for meeting with me, J.

Now go and follow her wee blog.

The Glamourus Day of a Blogger

• You use your precious holidays and savings to go to BlogWorld instead of going on a beach holiday.
• You check your Google Analytics everyday.
• You cry when you lose an RSS subscriber.
• You get pissed off when someone unfollows you on Twitter.
• You go into depression when your article gets rejected from a Carnival.
• You tweet about how much you hate your hosting company.
• You threaten in your tweets how you will cut off your hosting company.
• You change your hosting company and then months later start tweeting how much you hate your new hosting company.
• You have registered more than 5 URL domains and dream that one day someone will pay you big bucks for them.
• You tweet about how many subscribers you have and ask your audience to help get more, more, more!
• You've seen the move Social Network at least five times.
• You throw yourself a party when you hit 100 subscribers.
• You tell your parents and friends to comment regularly because you’re concerned about nobody saying anything.
• You spend more time blogging than kissing your husband.
• You constantly use the term “A-listers” when describing your experiences with other bloggers.
• You blog about blogging so you can comment on Blogger more about blogging with your blogging buddies.
• You are a Social Media Consultant, slash Expert.
• You started a blogging network.
• Your blog is a part of a blogging network.
• You change your Gravitar every quarter and of course you like the movie Avatar.
• You constantly tweak your blog with this and that design while nobody notices any changes.
• You need to buy new underwear because you're too busy blogging.
• You fantasise about meeting up with other bloggers more than anybody else.
• You’d rather have 1000 more subscribers than a six pack abs and a hot boyfriend.
• You’d rather have 10 000 Twitter followers than a big fat salary.
• You’ve paid hundreds and maybe thousands of dollars on on-line products on how to make money on-line and build a better blog.
• You have a man/woman cave with high-speed internet connection.
• You take your laptop to the loo to have a number two.
• You kick arse at finger wrestling competitions because you type so much.
• You print out eBooks from work so you can read them at the pool, on the beach, or on the bus to and from work.
• Your favorite book is “How To Make Money Blogging.”
• You'd give up your job to blog full time.
• You have chronic back pain or headaches because you're forever hunched over your computer.
• You refer to yourself in the third person on your blog and write that you are the VP of Marketing in your bio.
• You print blogging business cards with button logo and call yourself a ridiculously long pathetic title like, “Founder, Editor in Chief and Head Features Writer.”
• You can’t stop thinking about the strategic scheduling of posts.
• You have a backlog of over 50 draft posts with little to nothing written.
• You Tweet while in meetings at work.
• You moderate comments while in meetings at work.
• You ask your wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend to proof read your posts and type up some ideas during long road trips while you are driving.
• You listen to podcasts on blogging and earning money on-line instead of latest chart hits.
• You can crush peanuts with your butt cheeks because they’ve become rock hard and calloused due to sitting too much.
• You can start your own mini-bookstore thanks to all the books that are sent your way by PR folks who want you to highlight their authors.
• You join the minimalist movement because that’s what’s trending at the moment… also because you have too many books.
• You then start the maximalist movement because you realise it’s no longer cool to be a minimalist since everybody is doing it.
• You can’t get a mortgage because of the unpredictability of your blogging income, so you buy an RV instead and meet your followers.
• You tweet your whereabouts on FourSquare and hoping other blogging addicts are around so you can do a tweet-up at Comic Con.
• You go to your optometrist and she pulls out the biggest “E, D, F, G” vision card and all you see are hopefully post comments.
• You have a Tweet Meme button and a Share Everything plug-in just in case people can’t see the Tweet Meme button.
• You sometimes have nightmares of accidentally hitting the publish button instead of the save button.
• Your dreams all full of your blogpost going viral.
• You refer to yourself as your Blog name rather than your real name.

New Queen ShagPad

Take a keek at our brand new Queen ShagPad!

We've NEVER had a Queen-sized bed before. Can you tell I'm soopa excited!  I cannae wait until I get into bed tonight. We're QueenShagPad Virgins - until tonight, Plonkers, until sundown tonight!

I know that you're probably thinking; "Who the fuck gets excited about a new bed?" 

Well, if you've slept in a squeaky, creeky banana-shaped piece of crap for the last 6 months, you too, would be rivetted about a brand spanking new bed.  Not only is it a new bed, it's a fekkin Queen-sized bed. 

I know you're also probably thinking; "Who the fuck gets excited about a queen sized bed?" Well, if you've been cramped into a manky double bed for the last 20 years of your life, you too, would be nippin to slip into yer creeper.

No more getting scratched legs from R's toenails, no more saying "Shift up!", no more complaining when its thunder and lightning and the girls want to sleep in our bed, no more bitching that the dog farts in bed. 

It's going to be like kippin on a giant sugar-free marshmallow.

Assembling the ShagPad

Ready for Action

I wanted to send a massive, special thanks out Sausage Fingers, who sent me a gorgeous Christmas card that I only got last week.  Damn SA postal service Fuckers!  I am always magically excited to get mail from fellow bloggers overseas.  It makes me feel so special!

Thanx again, Sausage.  Mwah!

I thought I'd post an update of wee Emma Pup.  We've had her now for nearly 3 months and she's still a wee toaty thing.  I don't think she'll get much bigger.  Our Wee Button still tries to catch her tail, poor wee jessie.  She also barks her head off when you squeeze the syrup bottle.  I shite you not, Plonkers!  What's up with that?  Emma sure is a dafty but a cutie.

This is a picture of Kaylin on her first day back at school in Grade R (thats the year before the first year of primary school). She is dead chuffed to be in "the big kids' class" of the school this year.  With her new-found confidence, its great to see her go to school without drama and tears. 

Winner Winner Cheekén Dinner!

A parcel arrived in the mail a wee while ago.  I get so excited about collecting parcels.  I was wired to find out who it was from and what was inside as I wasn't expecting anything!

I won a beautiful handmade gift from Lovely Light over at Without Complexities.  I'd completely forgotten about it with all the bussle that is the Festive Season.

Kaylin holds the parcel up



My gift inside the parcel with a hand-written card!

My beautiful tiger's eye beaded ring.  I wish I had a beautiful hands to go with it but I inherited my mother's "working hands". I  have hands like shovels just like my mum's

My hand-written card from Lovely Light

Thanx again and I'm so happy I could be part of your first giveaway AND be the winner!  I will wear my smashing ring with pride and great joy. After all it was custom-designed just for me!

"On Ma Blog" performed by A Daft Scots Lass

Yesterday afternoon we decided to shoot and produce a wee family music video after listening to this song in the car we came up with the On Ma Blog fingers, like typing on a keyboard, and the idea was born! 

I laughed my fuckin' arse off watching this shite.

Daft personified!

Friday's Shoegasm Shizzle and Fawk You Friday about Parenting

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEBC5CjIzVFFAwjP98vng5gRchVZ3GR44PBZRCDDfXvD0zRrOOQVprxxvDJEweZyL44ZjLGKkjARFjcG3dw_TlWT-UMAG8KfXrz5tpmIZOmcxfUr_zXPfjHr8Zo_mKD05Fl7kcRlA-Z1c/s1600/fridayshoegasm.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="240" height="217" /></a>

Link up, Lassies for Friday's Shoegasm.  Come on all you HeelFreaks reveal all yer favorite bed hooker heels.  Take my button, post it on your blog and do a post of your favourite heels.  Every lass needs at least ONE pair of awesome 5½ inch heels.

Christian Louboutin Pigalle pumps $540

Christian Louboutin Straratata 140 suede sandals $995

Iron Fist GPB49.99 from Scorpio Shoes

Funky Retro Boots Amazon

$126 Gucci Red Boots

Gucci heels from Bombay Harbour

Boobies, Babies and a Blog hosts Fawk You Friday. 

Loads of posts are popping up about Blogger and how they suck because of their recent down-time.  

Yes, obviously their "routine maintenance" went horribly wrong and we didn't have access for a while.  But Plonkers, this is the first time in the three fucking years that Blogger has been "unavailable". 

Quit bitching about it not being available for ONE FUCKING DAY, instead, send them a thank you that they've been up and running with no glitchs for the last three years!

My Fuck you this week goes to Parenting!  

As a mother of two wee ones, I’m occasionally frustrated and yet amazed by them.

Last night was no different - I could've easily strangled one of my offspring and sold the other one for beer money.

Take this as an example:

We have an argument with our partner, go to sleep upset or pissed off with each other and in the morning those feelings are still lingering, possibly a little diluted, but those feelings are still there. We mope and pout, grumble and fret. However, with children, we could carry on like a woman possessed (which I have been known to accomplish from time-to-time) and all seems to be forgiven and forgotten in the morning.

We can learn lessons from our children.

The next morning our children breeze into your bedroom with cheerful good morning wishes and beaming smiles and immediately you get a clean slate, a fresh start, a chance to redeem yourself and restore your level-headedness as a respectable and worthy parent.

Don’t get me wrong I never take this instant forgiveness for granted because after the dramatic performances of shouting, begging, screaming and nagging, The Guilt sets in. I write The Guilt in capital letters and italics because most parents will know The Guilt is obscenely ruthless. For parents it is a brutal aura that loiters around for ages and creeps in quietly and pokes at the wound catching you off guard.

Oh the remorse!

Seeing your children with fear in their eyes because you have snapped their heads off is harsh. Often, the shame and self-reproach is unbearable.

We feel guilty for reprimanding, we feel guilty for punishing, we feel guilty for teaching them a lesson, we feel guilty for scolding when all we want them to do is listen to us and trust that we’re doing it for their benefit in the long run. We’re not doing it to be mean or bitter or malicious. We are parenting.

However, children are Master Manipulators. They spot The Guilt immediately and they exploit it. Oh, they can smell The Guilt a mile away. Those big, wide puppy dog eyes and quivering lips are flawless examples of their guileful skill. Our children push the right buttons at the right time and operate us like the puzzles they built with expert proficiency. Don’t let them fool you! Don’t fall for their lures and charms. Their ability to twist and contort your practical and logical thoughts is remarkable.

We can learn lessons from our children.

We all have different parenting styles but most parents agree that no matter what method you use, our little ones will study your methods as quickly as you implement them. We have to keep one step ahead of them with new tactics and new strategies. Campaigns need to be rehashed as soon as they decipher our plan.

We need to think like the military. Be armed, stand ready and shoot from the hip. Always have the mission in mind and know when to advance and retreat. Do not question orders and if need be, recruit reinforcements to substitute when you are ready to loose control. Get an edge on life. Less Flower Power and more fire power.

I envy kangaroos. The baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch and starts to grow. I’d have another baby if it would mature in my handbag.

I love my girls but some days I’d trade one of them for a case of fine wine, oh fuck that fine wine, cheap plonk wine and hard drugs will do just fine!

 Do your kids also drive you to drink?

Share |

Some of my Favourite Things

Some of the things I love at the moment and no, its not raindrops on roses or fucking whiskers on kittens...Q Julie Andrews

Eve Bubbly in a Can - its convenient and its comes in the cutest silver or pink cans.  Great for smuggling alcohol into places where its forbidden coz I'm bad ass like that.

The PINK SONY Cybershot digital camera 12 megapixels to shove in my handbag instead of lugging around my other bulky camera. 

Shopping with my girls.  In the past when they were little, it was a nightmare taking them with shopping because they always whined and comlained.  Now they make it fun!

Silly Megan

Pretending to eat a giant dog's toy burger

Batiste (not the wrestler) Dry Shampoo.  When you don't have time to wash yor hair.  Its a great volume booster too.

My mirror Aviator sunnies

UK Goodies imported just for me for Easter!

Google

(not the hot Bitch, although I wouldn't say no to her either)

without Google I'd be lost...and wouldn't be able to play the Google Awkward Search



And finally, Blogger for the many years of Bloggerville experiences and the many Plonkers I have met here.  You Rock my Face off!

So what are your favourite things?

Share |

My 1000th Post

Can you believe I have reached one thousand posts? 

Two years, one thousand posts, 52 followers and I follow, read and comment on almost 150 blogs.  Its grown into quite a brilliant reading list...

It feels weird to know I've shared so much with my fellow bloggers.

Thank You to all who read and comment on my wee blog regularly.  I've met some incredible people through Blogspot. 

My wee blog started up as a way for my overseas family to "see" updated pictures of my family and find out what we were up to. 

And now I'm addicted and can't turn back.

I love it and never get bored with it.  There is always something to write about and always something to read.

This is incredible....It is called the 1000 Arms Dance which is pretty appropriate for this post!