Thursday, 1 March 2012

The Glamourus Day of a Blogger

  • You use your precious holidays and savings to go to BlogWorld instead of going on a beach holiday.
  • You check your Google Analytics everyday.
  • You cry when you lose an RSS subscriber.
  • You get pissed off when someone unfollows you on Twitter.
  • You go into depression when your article gets rejected from a Carnival.
  • You tweet about how much you hate your hosting company.
  • You threaten in your tweets how you will cut off your hosting company.
  • You change your hosting company and then months later start tweeting how much you hate your new hosting company.
  • You have registered more than 5 URL domains and dream that one day someone will pay you big bucks for them.
  • You tweet about how many subscribers you have and ask your audience to help get more, more, more!
  • You've seen the move Social Network at least five times.
  • You throw yourself a party when you hit 100 subscribers.
  • You tell your parents and friends to comment regularly because you’re concerned about nobody saying anything.
  • You spend more time blogging than kissing your husband.
  • You constantly use the term “A-listers” when describing your experiences with other bloggers.
  • You blog about blogging so you can comment on Blogger more about blogging with your blogging buddies.
  • You are a Social Media Consultant, slash Expert.
  • You started a blogging network.
  • Your blog is a part of a blogging network.
  • You change your Gravitar every quarter and of course you like the movie Avatar.
  • You constantly tweak your blog with this and that design while nobody notices any changes.
  • You need to buy new underwear because you're too busy blogging.
  • You fantasise about meeting up with other bloggers more than anybody else.
  • You’d rather have 1000 more subscribers than a six pack abs and a hot boyfriend.
  • You’d rather have 10 000 Twitter followers than a big fat salary.
  • You’ve paid hundreds and maybe thousands of dollars on on-line products on how to make money on-line and build a better blog.
  • You have a man/woman cave with high-speed internet connection.
  • You take your laptop to the loo to have a number two.
  • You kick arse at finger wrestling competitions because you type so much.
  • You print out eBooks from work so you can read them at the pool, on the beach, or on the bus to and from work.
  • Your favorite book is “How To Make Money Blogging.”
  • You'd give up your job to blog full time.
  • You have chronic back pain or headaches because you're forever hunched over your computer.
  • You refer to yourself in the third person on your blog and write that you are the VP of Marketing in your bio.
  • You print blogging business cards with button logo and call yourself a ridiculously long pathetic title like, “Founder, Editor in Chief and Head Features Writer.”
  • You can’t stop thinking about the strategic scheduling of posts.
  • You have a backlog of over 50 draft posts with little to nothing written.
  • You Tweet while in meetings at work.
  • You moderate comments while in meetings at work.
  • You ask your wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend to proof read your posts and type up some ideas during long road trips while you are driving.
  • You listen to podcasts on blogging and earning money on-line instead of latest chart hits.
  • You can crush peanuts with your butt cheeks because they’ve become rock hard and calloused due to sitting too much.
  • You can start your own mini-bookstore thanks to all the books that are sent your way by PR folks who want you to highlight their authors.
  • You join the minimalist movement because that’s what’s trending at the moment… also because you have too many books.
  • You then start the maximalist movement because you realise it’s no longer cool to be a minimalist since everybody is doing it.
  • You can’t get a mortgage because of the unpredictability of your blogging income, so you buy an RV instead and meet your followers.
  • You tweet your whereabouts on FourSquare and hoping other blogging addicts are around so you can do a tweet-up at Comic Con.
  • You go to your optometrist and she pulls out the biggest “E, D, F, G” vision card and all you see are hopefully post comments.
  • You have a Tweet Meme button and a Share Everything plug-in just in case people can’t see the Tweet Meme button.
  • You sometimes have nightmares of accidentally hitting the publish button instead of the save button.
  • Your dreams all full of your blogpost going viral.
  • You refer to yourself as your Blog name rather than your real name.


Sausage Fingers said...

That's why I disappear now and then
screw all that crap...drink up

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

I didn't think I was that bad, but some of these hit really close to home haha.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Lass, that was hilarious!
Well, I did start the IWSG, I like Avatar, and it would be wonderful to blog full time. Of course, I think my followers already believe I do...
Definitely mentioning this in my post tomorrow!

Mark said...

This was hilarious. I basically had a remark for each one of your bullet points but then I got to the Publish vs Save button and that was where you totally had me.
Why oh why do they put those buttons side by side? Seriously, I mostly write my blog posts the day before they appear and while I'm pretty drunk. Every time I go to hit save, I force my eyes to focus for a sec. just to make sure I'm hitting the right button.
Too much!

Brandon @ said...

I DEFINITELY spend more time blogging than kissing your husband... but I think we can all agree that's a good thing....

Matt Harvath said...

OMG!!! I can relate to just about all of those!

YeamieWaffles said...

I love this list so much haha, I've actually bookmarked this post since it's a kind of "every blogger does this," post that I haven't really seen posted much around here, great read DSL! :)

Curmudgeon said...

I didn't even know you could make money blogging.

I don't even know what tweet is, or RSS for that matter. Honest to goodness! I don't even care really I do this for stress release.

Meetings are the most worthless, time wasting things in any corporation. There is no better place to tweet or whatever. When have you ever gone to a productive meeting unless your sole goal was to get doughnuts? What better place to crush peanuts with your butt cheeks? If you can do it loudly the meeting will be productive, if for no other reason than comic relief.

Curmudgeon said...

I forgot to mention, men were the first to wear high heels and started that trend. In the stirrups (the horse kind)It made it easier to ride. I have a couple pair of cowboy boots with very high heel for riding and looking cool.

Rek said...

Almost 75% of these apply to I am on the road to "no recovery", right?

M.J. Fifield said...

I would actually give up my job to blog full time. Of course, I'd also give up my job to do any number of far less interesting things so...

Such a fun post!

A Daft Scots Lass said...

@Alex IWSG?

@Brandon I'd fekking hope so!

@Mark sorry for your loss, my friend!

@YWaffle Awesome!

@Rek Welcome to ADSL and thanx for commenting!

@MJFifield Me too!

Empty Nest Insider said...

I'm glad a Ninja sent me over! This really is hysterical! How many bullets have to apply before staging an intervention? I do wish I could do that trick with peanuts! Julie

Melissa Bradley said...

Oh man, some of these are totally me! Come to think of it, when was the last time I was outside my house? ;)

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