Friday, 4 November 2011

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

I have lost my blog mojo! Would that make it blojo?

I tried looking for it but it wasn’t under the bed, or outside behind the shed. It wasn’t lost at sea, or behind my ear. I think I may have accidentally thrown it out with my Cupboard Clutter.

How do I find it and get my blog groove back, Plonkers?

I used to start writing a blog post with a clean sheet of paper and a dirty mind. My blog posts used to be funny and entertaining. Now the are just "and".

All I can think about is how tired I am and how much I need a holiday. Seems like I’m not the only one feeling like this. I speak to friends, family, colleagues and they all say that it’s that time of year when everyone is grumpy and irritated.

I am no exception. I’m grumpier than and old woman with sore tits, a wet pair of parachute knickers and an itchy fanny.

Only boring people are brilliant at breakfast.

Okay, here is my hypothesis:

It is because I lack BlogFuel©.

Yes, blogging fuel. Everyone has their own preference of BlogFuel©. For me it is potato crisps. I'm referring to real crisps – the authentic potato chip, not those sissy corn-puff crisps that vanish when you put them in yer mouth. I’m particularly partial to beef flavour. Mexican chilli is a close second.

Och, don’t tell me you don’t have a perculiar ritual that you execute while blogging. Don’t say you don’t munch on your desired grub while moderating your comments and contemplating Google Reader.

BlogFuel© makes us think better and blog better? If you disagree, then I’m dippier than  @TheEllenShow on Twitter.

Don’t fucking judge me. 

I need to blog on a full tank!

You see, lately all I’ve been eating is Bok-Kos aka bunny chow aka salad and veggies. I’m permanently on diet because I’ve put on so much weight since I stopped smoking 10 months ago. I have been enduring a whole lot of low-fat shite and restricting my sugar intake, so BlogFuel© has not been promptly accessible.

I think I’ve lost my blog mojo because of my lack of BlogFuel©.

They say you loose yer mojo when you’re stressed or surrounded with clutter. I recently cleared out my Cupboard Clutter to make space for more shoes.  Seems like no one is interested in taking it off my hands yet, so perhaps I’ve lost my blog mojo because of all the time I've been dedicating to creating order and shipshape cupboards.

BlogFuel© is my self-invented word. Use it well, my blogger chums.

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

Wait! I’ve had yet another Brain Fart!

No, no a make that a Brand Fart!

I should start my own line of potato crisps called BlogFuel©.

Flavours will include; RSS Feed-Yer-Face Roast Beef, PingBack Prawn, Subcribe Spicy Salsa and Follower Fruit Chutney to start off with.

I’ll fucking kill it! Its already patented, Fuckers so don’t think of stealing my idea.

At first, I’ll market them here on my blog and when it takes off, it will go global.

I’ll be the next fucking Bill Gates!

Stand back, watch this space.

Fame and Fortune ensues.

Fuel Up!

BlogFuelly Yours,


Melanie said...

I think you're back! =)

SuzyQ said...

I needed a break too...I saw it coming last week and it's a good thing I did cause this week sucked rotten eggs!, so I took next week off.
I've not had a vaca for several years. We've went places on the weekends (a couple of times) sad, I know...
So next week I am planning on doing NOTHING!, well, work-related nothing.
Just get some time to myself and re-boot the ole system!
Maybe you need that...?

Stephanie D said...

Even your post title was perfect!
You crack me up! Glad you got fuel in your think tank!

W.C.Camp said...

Seems like you are full of energy now so you must have got a double batch of those 'Roast Beef' BlogFuel crisps!! Hang in there. Just start writing and then fill in the other intro and conclusion stuff later - that'll get your mojo back!! W.C.C. said...

My BlogFuel© is this town I'm in. I just people-watch when I need inspiration. They're so damn crazy, my blog sometimes writes itself.

Mark said...

My "Blogfuel" is wine and lots of it. You should see me as I type while being lit. I'm sitting there cracking myself up. The next morning, when I go to edit, it doesn't sound as funny as the night before. But still, it works.
Good luck on getting your mojo back.

Steve Bailey said...

I need me some blogfuel from time to time. In truth I quit smoking a little bit ago and kinda felt the same way a bit..... but trust me it will pass.

Babes Mami said...

maybe you need a blogcation!

Mike Smith said...

I'm grumpy and irritated every day of the year. I feckin' am, I'm telling ya!

vanyelmoon said...

I haven't been on a vacation in a couple of years. Maybe that is what we all need. Hearing Christmas music already in the store isn't helping either. Can't they let us at least enjoy fall for a little while????

Michael Offutt said...

You had me at "grumpier than an old woman with sore tits".

I think I may steal that line.


Boobies said...

Well, I don't think you're lacking BlogFuel at all...because you're amazing as always. But potato chips can only BETTER us all. :)

A Daft Scots Lass said...

@Melanie @Stephanie Not quite yet

@SuzyQ good advice

@WCC @Boobies wish it was that simple

@Lost Lucky you...

@Mark so THATS what I'm doing wrong!

@Steve but when??! My butt looks like the back end of a bus!

@BabesMami I'd miss it too much

@Mike Oh Mike, I beg to differ Mr Sunshine and Rainbows

@vanyelmoon Christmas? I haven't even thought of Christmas!

@Michael For a Fee, of course

Aimee Katherine said...

Awesome! Get me some of those Spicy Salsa BlogFuel crisps! xD

cat said...

GReat post - for me it's Jelly tots.


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