Friday, 6 January 2012

Featured Friday Follower and a Shoegasm

You're about to get some random on your face. You've been warned.  Presenting Joshua!

"When Gillian first asked me to guest post, it was in a comment she left on my blog. It was also in response to a comment made by the dapper genius and World's First Official Fractal Slacker, Indigo Roth, so I naturally assumed that the request was to him. I mean, come on, he's amazing so go check him out.

No, not now, do it later. It was then confirmed that she was asking me to guest post, which - let's face it - gave me immediate Blogger Performance Anxiety (Patent, Copyright, and Urban Dictionary Entry Pending).  I spent nearly 24 hours trying to come up with a topic. The first thought came to me as I sat on the overpass, as I do every day leaving work, and looked into the sky to take a deep breath and release away the shit from work that was weighing on me. I should write about inspiration. A light topic, full of hope for the new year as it begins, and maybe give someone else some inspiration. It was going to be about how I like clouds in the sky because it gives me ideas. I was going to explore why clouds aid me in the creative process, and how the clear blue sky gives me nothing when it should be like a blank canvas. This was the sky as I left work Wednesday.

Twenty minutes later, that idea would be beaten to death when another idea hit me in the head and knocked some sense into me.

Parking my car at home, I stepped out and noticed a piece of paper sitting in the yard. On it were 15 simple words. Poignant, but nothing like a winning set of lottery numbers.

I stood in the yard for a few moments, thinking about the words, wondering if they had a special meaning to someone and what that might be.

And then a giant fucking pine cone fell out of a tree and smacked me in the head.

Sense returned, and I remembered whose blog I was writing for and the audience it held.

Now, this would normally be where I talk about the host of this terrific place, and maybe mention her complete obsession with calling us "Plonkers." Seriously, have any of you ever looked up the word? I just think it's great that she affectionately calls us all cocks. Don't believe me? Look up the fine UK show "Only Fools and Horses." Also, you should just watch the whole show.

Where was I? Oh yes...


Damn, I've run out of space and time to write anything. Honestly, this wouldn't happen if I was a Time Lord. Or Peter from "Heroes," but only in season one after he's absorbed Hiro's power, but before season two where he became the biggest, most disappointing, character arc ever created. They made him into such a pussy by limiting his abilities. Sorry. The way they fucked up that show still pisses me off. Either way, I'd be a master of space and time. And I'd be flush with cash.

Now...what the hell was I supposed to be talking about again?

Word to the Nerd"

A Thank you to Joshua for Guest Posting on my wee blog and now over to the shoes!  Grab my button, post yer favourite pair of stilletos and be sure to let me know.

These pretty shoes are made from chocolate!  I shite you not, Plonkers, chocolate!  That smooth creamy orgasm in yer mouth.  Gayle's Chocolates make these brilliant pieces of art and for only 40 buckaroonies you can surprise your lovely lady on Valentine's Day with this perfect gift.

What could be better? 

Chocolate Shoes!

Especially, as I can't even sniff chocolate right now, let alone shove it down my pie hole.

Hello dimple-free thighs.

Have a FABULOUS weekend everyone.


Dazee Dreamer said...

chocolate shoes. oh my.

Joshua said...

And I was still awake when this post went up, too.

Friday's going to be a four Red Bull day. I just know it.

Angelia Sims Hardy said...

Word to the Nerd. Great to see Joshua here! I snort laughed on the pine cone. :p)

Michael Offutt, Visitor from the Future said...

Great guest post. BTW...I love the twitter animated bird thing.

Wouldn't we all want to be a Time Lord or Peter from Heroes? Well maybe not. Heroes after all got canceled.

J. A. Bennett said...

oh. my. goodness. Heroes was a major fail! What were they thinking?? Okay now I've used the word fail on both your posts, so I'll just go now...

Mynx said...

Great guest post and he has another follower. I do have a soft spot for a cute nerd

Cyn said...

werd to the nerd!
awesome post joshua!

chocolate shoes?

do they make a vegan version? heh!

hope all is well with you my most favorite redhead!


YeamieWaffles said...

This is so great, I really need to follow Josh's blog now, excellent guest post.

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

the pine cone REALLY hit you in the head!?!?! that is just so- wow! awesome! mother nature's timing must be spot on.

the shoes- while being absolutely creative and exquisitely executed- kinda freak me out, feet and edibles together... *shivers*

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Stupid pinecones.

Mark said...

Joshua, I can't thank you enough for not talking about the sky or the meaning of life. I was just about to shoot Gillian an email asking her WTF(?) when the entire post changed for the better.
And yes, I do like being called a Plonker but only by Gill. Anyone else calls me that and all hell would break loose.
Heroes? Oh, how sad that all turned out.
I'll be sure to stop over sometime.
A Daft Scots Lass's Friend, m.

JoeinVegas said...

Chocolate shoes? Well, you might get someone to lick your toes after wearing.

Joshua said...

Angelia - Thanks for popping over! Stupid pine cones.

Michael - I'd still want Peter's power(s).

J.A. - Major fail. See, now I used it.

Mynx - Score!!

Cyn - Thank you.

YeamieWaffles - Please do.

vic - It did. If I'd actually shaved my head, it probably would have broken skin.

Alex - Indeed.

Mark - I'm full of surprises. Or random crap.

Stephanie D said...

Classic Joshua post! Well done!


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