Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

ca·si·no (prounced /kəˈsēnō/)
Noun: A public room or building where gambling games are played.

I detest gambling but I love people-watching.  And The Casino is one of the most fun places to do it.  Have you ever watched people play casino?  It's fucking hysterical because you almost always see these all of these characters as you walk through the casino floor.

The Slotter – The dittery old lady playing the cheap slots, clutching her handbag and her bucket of coins.  Mavis is wearing smudged orange lipstick and a trench coat.  She is hoping to either win a few bucks, or get some sort of thrill because her husband’s forgotten how.

The Addict - The dude walking around who looks lost and his eyes are about to pop out his skull.  He is about to gamble away his mortgage money and next week he’ll probably be getting a divorce and moving into a cheap hotel. The guy Suited Up so that he doesn’t look like the loser he is.

The Faker – This dude doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. He’s just at the casino to killing time before his next conference and hopes to get a few free drinks and pick up a hooker in the process. This guy is pretending to be single and carefree but he’s a family man with a clear wedding band tan. The Faker is usually hopelessly drunk!

The Cocktail Waitress – The good looking girl wearing the short skirt uniform carrying a tray full of drinks.  She is tired of being hit on a mistook for a hooker. She’s seen it all and just hopes The Faker is drunk enough to slip her a huge tip, by mistake.  She will go back to her one room apartment, count her tips and sleep until midday.

The Big Cheese - this bloke doesn't have the time to gamble for mere dollars, they need a stack full of chips and a familiar dealer. They could win or lose millions in just a few minutes, but the perks of BIG gambling are that they don’t have to sit next to The Addict, who lives and dies with every roll of dice.

The Dealer Swap – This is the croupier the casino sends in when the game table is getting HOT.  He slinks in quietly to the ruffle some feathers and break the flow of the table’s winning streak. Party pooper! Casinos do this on purpose!

The Bouncer – the dude who would rip yer face off if you looked at him the wrong way. He’s there for one reason only, to throw out drunken fuckers.

The Trump – this is the specimen throws money around like its toilet paper.  This FuckKnob wants to be seen and heard. He doesn’t care if he looses all the money in his wallet because he’s loaded and has just made $50 000 in the last ten minues. Sometimes he flaunts his crisp notes, just to piss off The Addict.

There you have it Casino Peeps.  Which one are you?


15 comments:

cat said...

I hate the noise in a casino is I do not even watch the people.

cat said...

I hate the noise in a casino is I do not even watch the people.

Melanie said...

I'm the one who doesn't go because its the only place you can legally smoke here. I don't mind if someone wants to smoke, but its out of control there. Were I to go, I would be like you...the observer laughing at everyone else.

unmitigated me said...

My visits are rare because I worry about becoming The Addict. Mostly, though, I think I am Mavis...

Akelamalu said...

Well I'd like to be The Trump and be loaded but the closest I'll get being The Trump is having wind!

YeamieWaffles said...

Awesome article Daft Scots Lass, especially because we see this type over here so much too. The slotter especially is a sad sight to see however, I do feel sorry for them!

Ami said...

I'm the one who drives by the casino in my car on my way to work and marvels at all the poor assholes that are there at 6 AM. What the hell??

:)

Sausage Fingers said...

Smudged orange lipstick and a trench coat...well only on the weekend
cheers, Sausage...

Eve.E said...

I can HONESTLY say I have never been to a casino and would never want to, but i do love people watching in a non-stalking sense of course lol x

bill lisleman said...

I am one that doesn't go but a couple of times a year. Not going often keeps it fresh.
Good Casino characters - what happens they get into the same lift?

Copyboy said...

F----nob had me rolling!

The Offended Blogger said...

I am the kind of high stakes gambler who has never even bought a lottery ticket in her life and whose in-laws live in Vegas and I go for the scenic views of the desert and...

You get the idea. :)

G C said...

OMG. I'm a Slotter. Do people see me as the old lady sitting at the nickel machines? Eek! Great post.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

@YWaffles for sure, its very sad...

@GC do you wear orange lipstick?

@CopyBoy I LOVE that word!!

@Eve then you really need to go just to watch the peeps

@bill A FIST FIGHT!

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