Thursday, 17 May 2012

Chesticles

What exactly is the male obsession with a part of the female anatomy that for many of us is no big deal: Breasts.



Picture the scene:


A male traffic cop pulls a woman over for speeding or driving with her Blackberry and mascara in hand. The first two buttons of her shirt are promptly undone as she nervously waits for the official who walks slowly towards her car. He leans forward towards the open window and BAM! She introduces him to the twins. 

Why? 

Well, because they’ve seldom let her down before.

They love our boobs so much they give them names.  Boobs are becoming less of a taboo subject than they were in the past and with that, neologisms and colloquial terms have been introduced, creating a seemingly endless list: bust, bosom, breasts, assets, lady lumps, boobs, girls, twins, tits, nanas.

Some fucking bright spark even insist that the names should be size-specific. How thoughtful of them. Melons, jugs, bee-stings, mosquito-bites, titties and (my personal favourite) chesticles.  I’m assuming that that’s simply a juxtaposition with the male version which also sags, is fragile and comes in twos.

Can you imagine its introduction to the English Oxford Dictionary?

“Chesticle (n.): either one of the soft, protruding glands on a woman’s chest which secrete milk after childbirth.”

Guys, what’s with the obsession with breasts? 

Some men revere the “girls” more than others.  Evolutionary biologists suggest that it’s all a matter of fertility and genetics. They claim that, when choosing a mate, our genes help us out a little. Men like parts like boobs and butts while we’re attracted to their arms, eyes, broad shoulders and legs.

Is there an ideal cup-size?

If we could conduct a study and get as many men to participate, what would the verdict be? While the C-cup seems to come out at the top as the most popular in previous studies, it’s safer to say that it’s all a matter of taste.  Either you're a boob-man or you're not.

Many men don’t even know how the concept of cup-sizes works. Some doochenozzles describes his idea of an ideal size as “a handful” while another Pnker insisted: “They should be in proportion to the rest of her body and somewhat noticeable.”

Is there such a thing as TOO big?

One of the guys responded with a: “NO! Are you out of your frikken mind?” I’d say he is a bit of a Boob-Man though. The average bloke insists that “jugs” can be oversized.

Medically, more is definitely less. Large breasts alone may not cause back aches but they are a considerable factor. Additionally, neck and shoulder pains may develop.

Psychologists suggest that a colossal bust may result in one being self-conscious and consequently, having a lower self-esteem.

Does breast size matter?

For a larger and full bust, breast augmentation is becoming increasingly popular. Claiming that they want their women “all natural,” men may not be keen on the idea of boob-jobs. But that too can be contested - I don’t see them complaining about the largely talented Pammy Anderson.

However, the most obvious boob insecurity is the fear of sagging. So we can’t defy gravity? That’s no big deal. It’s nothing a WonderBra bra can’t solve.We all want what we can't have, right?

Just like everything else about us, no pair is the same as the next. Our chests may give us comparative advantage over our male counterparts but they shouldn’t constitute some kind of “be all and end all” to your womanhood.

(and I just realised that I wrote about titties last week too).

13 comments:

Ryan said...

BOOBIES!
I think you make some excellent points (pardon the pun) and I'm glad we can, as mature adults, have this debate without being embarassed or childish.

I'd just like to say....

I love boobs, big and small, I love boobs, best of all.

I think boobs are lots of fun, I think boobs are number one.

I think boobs are really neat, they make me want to beat my meat.

I love boobs covered in lace, I love boobs rubbing my face.

I love boobs in leather black, those are huge, do they hurt your back?

I love boobs in bras of silk, make me want to say "got milk"?

I love boobs in a college dorm, and in a nurse's uniform.

I love boobs in tight red sweaters, or stretching against a t-shirt's letters.

I love boobs in t-shirts wet, hey you with the nice boobs, have we met?

I love boobs in skimpy swim wear, I'm sorry, I can't help but stare.

I saw your cleavage from above, with your boobs I am in love.

Your boobs are giving me a stiffy, I'll have my pants off in a jiffy.

Your boobs have given me an erection, I want to do them without protection.

Your boobs have made me want to suck them. I even want to titty-fuck them.

 

 

Wreckless Euroafrican said...

You got to be kiding? Ok, you not kidding - but it's cause you are of the species that is considered human only because you walk upright and wear shoes! (Just kidding!!!!)

The male fascination with boobs is caused by the female wanting to keep them covered all the time. If women walked around topless, there would be nothing "hidden" and the interest in the "unknown" would fade.

Nah, that's a lot of shaite.
There probably is no explanation, other than it's a part of the woman's body that is beautiful, and we want to have access.

Salagatle!

PS - if nothing I wrote up top makes any sense, it's probably because I can't stop looking at the boobs in the intro.....

YeamieWaffles said...

Ryan's comment is one of my favourite comments I've ever read on here haha! Honestly when it comes to our obsession with boobs I have no idea, it kind of just comes happens.

Dr Max Tunguska said...

Simply love boobs. It's programmed into me at some very low level.

Trying to determine what I think of as the right size, but this means I may need to continue my studies for another 40 years or so. Never mind, Rome wasn't built in a day.

David Macaulay said...

a most excellent choice of topic which you can't write enough on. Obviously lol.

Mark said...

First, I loves me some Fergie!
Second, breasts have no power over me.
m.

The Glebe Blog said...

Breasts are beautiful, even the dinky ones and the uneven ones.
I hate to see false boobies. Why in the name of heaven women want to have foreign bodies inserted into their upper torso has always been beyond me.
Having said that I've no time for men who ask their women to have breast augmentation.
I'd sooner have a nipple than a tipple.

Claire Hennessy said...

Ha ha love Ryan's poem. Boobs are a funny thing, aren't they. I was "blessed" with a large pair and was always embarrassed until recently when it was fasionable to have big tits. But men are either breast men or not - funnily, my current hubby is not!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

We're fascinated because we don't have them.
Size doesn't matter. Being real does though.
Ultimately, I tend to look at the butt first though. And my wife is well aware of the power of the wiggle.

Joshua said...

Either

( o Y o )

or

(.Y.)

Chiz said...

I'm definately an ass guy, but if I must weigh in on boobs, I'd say that size doesn't really matter all that much. Though, I don't much care for girls with nothing but mosquito bites. And, I am now going to use chesticle from now on because that word is genius.

grins said...

Hell, I'm a fat old guy. I've got a B cup myself. It makes me notice, but it never had any affect on my choices. Hmm, Maybe I should have let it, come to think of it, considering my choices.

Semi Madman said...

I love boobs, but I am more of an ass and leg man! Give me a great ass and a killer pair of legs and I could care less about the breast (OK, not entirely true.) But they could be teeny tiny and the butt and legs offset it. Besides, you aren't making love to the breasts (Well, maybe every once in awhile!)

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