Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Traffic Meltdown on the Way to the Neurologist

I sobbed like a blithering idiot.  The tears spilled down my cheeks and dripped off the end of my nose.  My mascara streaked my cheeks and I didn’t care.  I was crying and howling loudly and moaning in between howls.   The noises surprised me.  I felt utterly traumatised.  

My chest closed up, I was having trouble breathing and my heart felt like it was being crushed by a thousand steam trains.  I cried like I haven’t cried since I was a wee lass!  My emotions totally overwhelmed me and I couldn’t control it.  My sadness and disappointment chewed me up and vomited me out again.  If felt totally over-powered by my regurgitated misery and it spilled out all over the place.  I couldn’t contain it.

Luckily, I was in the cocoon of my car and wore over-sized sunnies to hide the blood-shot puffy eyes and smudged make-up!

I was exhausted before I even got there.

What am I talking about, I hear you say? 

Well, let me tell you the tale…

Most of you know, I had a long-awaited appointment with the Neurologist for our Kaylin scheduled for yesterday.

I arranged for Kaylin to go to work with her dad when he left at 6am.  My reasoning behind it  was, if I ran late in bad traffic, R could take Kaylin to the appointment and we could meet up there. So while waiting for me to get there, R could fill in all the paper work and do all the necessary payments etc. After all, we had waiting three months for this appointment and I REALLY didn’t want to miss it. 

Anyhoo, what transpired was a sobbing, blithering idiot. 

I left home at 7am to be at the appointment at 9am.  By 8:30 I was getting anxious and I knew I wasn’t going to make it.  I was still stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and so I phoned R to tell him to go straight to the hospital without me.  As I watched the minutes tick by, I was getting more and more worked up because I was going to be late and miss everything!   

I knew R had everything under control but I’ve never wanted to be somewhere else so badly in my life!  This was the future of my little baby girl we were talking about! 

Just then my Tom-Tom navigation conked out on me.  Battery died and on top of that my cellphone was beeping to tell me that the battery was low and I didn’t have a charger for either!  My anxiety was mounting.  Not only was I going to be horribly late, I was going to get lost because I didn’t know the area and hadn’t asked for directions because I have the Tom-Tom. 

Fucking Typical!

I called R and he told me they got to the hospital and they’d started the EEG.  I felt sad that I couldn’t be there to hold my wee lassies hand while they attached scary electrodes to her head with special glue.  I wanted to be there to hold her hand while she cried, I wanted to soothe her nervousness and tell her everything was going to be okay. 

I couldn’t.  I was stuck in traffic and lost!

I told R about the batteries dying and he said his phone’s battery was low too.  I didn’t know how I was going to find the hospital if I lost contact with him.  Then we got cut off.

That was it for me.  I lost all control and thats when the sobbing started, uncontrollable sobs!  The ugly cry where you can't catch yer breath.

I had been in the traffic for over two and a half hours!  I didn’t know where I was and my car’s petrol gauge was on empty.  I received a message from R giving me directions which just confused me because my sense of direction is fucking non-existent.

I eventually got off the highway and found a garage to fill my car with petrol.  At the petrol station, the petrol attendant took one look at my Panda Eyes and got very concerned, he asked if I was okay and I brushed him off in return for directions to the hospital.  He was very helpful and concerned and even asked if I needed a glass of water.  Didn’t he understand all I wanted to do with be there for my wee lassie!?

I got back on the road and followed the directions the petrol attendant had given me.  Thank God, he knew what he was dealing with – a directionally challenge emotional half-wit – and made them very simple for me to follow.  Also, thank God for all the Sunninghill Hospital signs along the way.  I wouldn’t have found it otherwise.  I was too wound up!

I had to park about three days on horse away from the hospital but no horses to be found, so I did a wee bit of speed walking all the way in my five inch wedge heels to the doctor’s rooms.  I caught a look at myself in the lift’s mirror as I walked in and quickly erased the black lines from under my eyes down my cheeks.  I was a mess!

Needless to say, I didn’t ask half the questions I wanted to.  It took me forever to calm down and my heart was racing for a long time. 

So, now I need to phone her and ask her some of the questions and concerns I still have, especially with the ECG and the medication she recommends for her. 

The doc told us that her EEG was normal  – no abnormal brain activity.  However, KK is quite high up on the ADHD scale.  We had a questionnaire to complete, which we went through quite extensively and she recommends that any child that gets a score of anything above 6 out of 18, could really benefit from medication.  Kaylin is a 13 out of 18!  She did say that  Kaylin would be able to focus and concentrate better with the meds and not alter her personality in any way.  She said their will be a gradual change and we will all have to also adapt to that change slowly.  I just thought she didn’t really go through many alternatives, other than putting KK on meds.

She also mentioned that KK has low muscle tone but that she doesn’t think Occupational Therapy  is necessary as long as we encourage sport and activities – she recommended swimming as KK already does Monkeynastix and Champ Sports at school.  KK not only has the hyperactivity but also has anger and aggression issues, which we have another medication for.  This will help her cope with her frustrations. It will also help increase her appetite, which Strattera will decrease so she said the two work hand-in-hand together.

I know I need to phone her now that I’ve calmed down and have all my questions answered.  I still feel pretty emotional about the whole day.

We started Kaylin on her meds last night.  I will be monitoring her very carefully and take it one day at a time.  I don’t want to medicate her to make our lives as parents easier.  I want to do this to improve Kaylin’s frustrations because of her hyperactivity and poor concentration.

Poor wee button was so proud of herself for taking her capsule.  She has never taken a pill before.  All her meds up until now have been in a syrup form.  I handed her glass of water told her what to do and was rewarded with a beaming smile from KK.

Only time will tell if it is the right thing…


Melanie said...

Continue breathing and know you are doing the right thing! Its hard (especially after the morning you had trying to get to the appointment!!) but you can do this! And you will see over the next few weeks that she is doing better, which will make you better! I promise!!

middle child said...

God Bless you all, esp. KK.

W.C.Camp said...

You are a good mom. Sorry you could not make it but remember you and the hubs are a team and it will be ok. Mine does not compare but I was up to my eyes in paperwork and I had promised my kid to come home for Halloween and walk with her from house to house. Needless to say, as it got later and later and I could not clear my work, I became more and more frustrated. I always hated that memory for the same reasons you got so frustrated. It hurts but it is part of the tough job of being a parent. We are proud of you and the fam for holding up. Hang in there, you are doing a great job!! W.C.C.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I have never heard of an ECG to diagnose Aspergers brain activity.

Anyway, glad to hear that it went well even though YOU were traumatised. I would have been the same, babe.


A Daft Scots Lass said...

@Kelley it was an EEG...

cat said...

Oh sweetie - you are such a good mom. The other day after L's eye appointment, I just broke down crying - not realizing how stressed I was about this all.

If your medical aid allows it I will certainly at least take her for an evaluation to the OT - L is below ADD in the scale and he is really doing so well with it. But hen he does have huge sensory issues.

Actually reading through all this - relief is the word. She does not have Aspergers! ADHD is so much less daunting to deal with - or do you nto see it that way? It is much lower on that same scale as I was explained.

I will think about you all and hope this all works - and pop Angel an email.

David Barber said...

Love and best wishes to you all, Gillian. You're a great mum and any other mum would have been in the exact same condition as you (most dads too, if they had the balls to admit it!)

Time WILL tell and you've just got to carry on being yourselves.....the best mum and dad, which you both obviously are!

My thoughts are with you all.

Leah said...

DSL, it was great that you shared the trauma. it must have helped a little because of writing about it.

I so feel for you and your family. I have close friends whose daughter has very similar issues and I don't think I could cope with their life. do what you do because you love your child. I hope things settle with the new meds and that it works well.

Leah x

Divemaster GranDad said...

Hey there, pal...I'm sure your brave wee lass will be just fine, and the more you worry on her behalf the less she has to do for herself and the easier it will be for her to cope with things. Try to not stress too much though, cos that'll do you no good either. I'm sure she knows you're there for her too. Steven. x

The Glebe Blog said...

Dinnae fash yersel hen,we a mither an faither like yersels,the wean 'll be grand

Akelamalu said...

My heart was pounding for you as I read this. Your little lassie knows you love here, that's all she needs. x

Daffy said...

The email I found for you gets kicked back to me every time I try to email you anything. Your profile doesn't have an email enabled so when you leave a comment at my place I can't just reply. If you feel generous, hit me up at batcrapcrazyblog at gmail dot com. Thanks a mill

Sausage Fingers said...

Bear up lass bear up now, all the best tae you and yours...
my thoughts are with you.

Joshua said...

Comforting thoughts headed all of your way, lady.

Stephanie D said...

You have such a brave, little girl! What a hard thing to go through. Hugs.

Furry Bottoms said...

I feel sad that you had to worry about WHY you were giving her the pill. I understand your concern... you're not giving it to make your life easier, you're giving it to help your little girl. It just makes me mad that there are so many other parents who do it to make their lives easier, then the whole group of parents who need to give their child meds get a bad name for it. Totally sucks.

I think you're a good parent for trying anything you can to help your child, even if it includes pills. If it works, it works. Only you know what's the best for your own family, who cares what anybody else thinks.

That traffic nightmare... Ooooh. Been there!!! I'm glad that is all over and behind you now!

Furry Bottoms said...

I feel sad that you had to worry about WHY you were giving her the pill. I understand your concern... you're not giving it to make your life easier, you're giving it to help your little girl. It just makes me mad that there are so many other parents who do it to make their lives easier, then the whole group of parents who need to give their child meds get a bad name for it. Totally sucks.

I think you're a good parent for trying anything you can to help your child, even if it includes pills. If it works, it works. Only you know what's the best for your own family, who cares what anybody else thinks.

That traffic nightmare... Ooooh. Been there!!! I'm glad that is all over and behind you now!

Outsourced Communications said...

I started crying reading this! Your frustration and anxiety is understandable.
I had to go through the same thing with my daughter so if you ever want to talk to someone who has gone through this, give me a shout.
I have screamed at doctors/teachers/therapists and cried on some doctors/therapists shoulders. Ultimately - medication is the answer no matter how reluctant we are to give it initially.
Good Luck.

CinfulCinnamon said...

Whew...glad that's over. I was holding my breath for you while I was reading this. Glad for how the story has ended/begins. It will all work out. And that's because you're on top of it.

Copyboy said...

Jeeze my chest was pounding as I was reading it. So that's good that the EKG is normal? And the sports will help correct the other thing?

blueviolet said...

I just feel for you so much. Moms need to be with their kids, especially at moments like that. The good thing is that you were there, even if not at the beginning. I'm glad you've got a few answers to start with and that she's begun her meds so quickly. Big hugs!

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

Thank goodness you finally found your way - I'm sure she was glad you could be there at all. I hope you get all the answers you're looking for.

Library girl said...

It's a shame they don't give us a manual when they hand over the baby, isn't it? Trust your gut with your kids - you made them therefore you do know them best of anyone. The love you have for your kids is so intense at times it's overwhelming. Take care!

Dazee Dreamer said...

You are not alone. I would have been the same way. And that much time in traffic, is just not right.

You are being a good mother. especially because you aren't just going to go into it without knowledge. Hang in there.

The Accidental Somebody said...

Oh bless your heart...I just want to reach through this computer and give you a giant hug. You are such a good mama and you should be proud of yourself for the amazing care you give your wee lassie.

Hang in there girl...

Ami said...

The whole parenting thing... never understood how difficult it was until we got there, huh?

Regarding the hypotonia and her 'differences' I highly recommend the book The Out-of-Sync Child.

You don't have to take her to an occupational therapist to do occupational therapy and help her with the low muscle tone.

One of the best things I ever did was buy that book. If you can't get it there, let me know and I'll find one for you.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

All of you Plonkers are so fucking brilliant! Thanx for listening.

Ryan said...

I'm sure everything will work out well for your wee lassie, well with a great mum like you I know it will. Take care.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

@Leah I did help writing about it! Then I spoke to my mum yesterday and all the emotions came flooding back and all I wanted was a hug from ma Mum!

@Alma Thanx for getting in touch. I loved your email!

@Cinful I hope you're breathing again

cat said...

Hi Gilz - "the Out of Sync child refers to SID kids as my L - the book has been great for me too. I ordered it on Kalahari.


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