Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!

Have you ever wondered how much time you spend sleeping or perched on the loo?  Have you ever wondered how much the average Plonker eats in his lifetime?  Or how long your hair would've grown had you not been ripped off by that scabby barber for that last haircut. 

Did you know?
  • Your blood travels about 96 000km through your body every day?  Holy crapiola! That's six times the distance from Cape Town to Tunisia in North Africa.
  • You have almost 100 000 hairs on just yer pretty wee head.
  • If you were to add up the hours spent every day in front of the telly is would come to 12 years.
  • At the age of 10 you have about 17 friends but by the time you reach the big 4-0 you'll have only two good mates.
  • An amazing 17 million Plonkers have their birthday on the same day as you.  That's the number of people living in Beijing, China.
  • The average FuckKnob laughs about 18 times a day.
  • Most fat-arses eat almost 30 tons of food in their lifetime.  That's the weight of 50 elephants! It would take six years for you to consume this quantity if you ate steadily and constantly.
  • Us working bastards spend 10 years of our lives at work.
  • If you were to add up all the time you spend on the shitter taking either a dump, or a whizz it would equate to three years.
  • Waiting sucks but in your lifetime you'll spend seven months stuck in traffic and two months on the phone holding for some Doochenozzle to answer your call.
  • The average heart beats more or less 2.5 billion times in a lifetime.  No wonder I'm always knackered.
  • Nearly 100 people die annually from choking on ballpoint pens.
  • You manufacture about 1.7 litres of saliva a day.  That's enough to fill two swimming pools with gob during your lifetime!
  • If you're left-handed you may live nine years less than someone who's right-handed. I shit you not.
  • Next time you sneeze remember that those little Germ Fuckers travel at 160km per hour
Do you need a silencer if you're going to shoot a mime?

Don't forget to enter my Mother's Day Giveaway.  It ends 10 May so you still have a chance to win. Click on the Banner on my sidebar or on the link.  You know you want to.   


JanM ♥ said...

Hmmm, very interesting!


Wendy said...

I love posts like this ... crazy stuff! And sadly, true about the 40 and the amount of friends! I think of it as quality over quantity - but wouldn't mind a couple new friends :-)

Curmudgeon said...

Fly lady sells a nice soft rubber toilet scrubber. It's hypoallergenic so no more zits.

I wonder how many miles of toilet paper we use in a lifetime.

If I only laughed eighteen times a day I'd commit suicide.

Addman said...

If the average FuckKnob laughs about 18 times a day, how often does the average WankWeasel laugh? 19? 20? I must know!

cat said...

Oh I love useless facts like this!

YeamieWaffles said...

Very interesting facts Lass, I loved the way that you presented them to us as well, hilarious stuff, the one about only having two mates when you're 40 is so interesting too. Make sure you don't choke on that ballpoint pen as well by the way, you wouldn't want to be one of those 100 poor souls haha.

Mark Koopmans said...

You had me until the 100,000 hair bits thingy...

I wish :)~

Funny, out there post - as always :)

Mark Koopmans said...

You had me until the 100,000 hair bits thingy...

I wish :)~

Funny, out there post - as always :)

Wreckless Euroafrican said...

And the average person dumps approx. 40lt of waste per annum - thats shit and urine!

Copyboy said...

12 years?!!!!

Chiz said...

What if you sit on the toilet while watching television? Would I get 3 years of my life back? And, oh is that working stat depressing.

Mark said...

I'll have you know that I laugh way more than the average FuckKnob. In fact, I laughed about 18 times just reading your post.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

@Wendy go for quality. there are so many assholes out there.

@Curmudgeon some people are a bunch of soul bastard.

@Addman 18.45

@YeamieWaffles I'll make sure I spit instead of swallow.

@Mark Koopmans Fanx baldly.

@Wreckless Euroafrican thanx for your 2 cents worth.

@Copyboy year read correctly.

@Chiz It's worth a try, right?

Joshua said...

If a fuckknob laughs, I think the gentleman needs to see a doctor. Sounds like a personal problem.


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