Monday Music Moves Me - Chirstmas Month

Happy Monday and another week starts....and another month - The Christmas Month.

Have you got your Christmas decorations up yet?

Some of you may remember this one. This is a Christmas Vlog I did last year for Christmas

They don't call me daft for nothin'

Now pop over to Xmas Dolly, link up and share you favourite Christmas toonz.

   

When I Think About You....I touch my Elf

 

So, this year we’ve organised something a little different for Christmas Day.

Every year, we have our traditional Christmas turkey dinner with all the trimmings at home.  We slog ourselves stukken in the kitchen;  chopping, cutting, stuffing, preparing and baking piles of food.  We inevitably burn our fingers on the oven or a pot, we eat for about 20 minutes and then we spend the next part of the day cleaning up and doing never ending piles of dirty dishes....and land up being fucking exhausted for the rest of the day and having left-overs for weeks. 

Not this year, Plonkers.

After the usual opening truck loads of presents at home on Christmas morning, we are going OUT for Christmas Dinner.
 
Hell yeah.

Kenjara Lodge and Restaurant is our gorgeous destination.

Check it out.  

An awesome Christmas spread in beautiful African surroundings.  Quiet, tranquil, peaceful with a full stocked, and dare-I-say-it, impressive Wine Cellar.  No Christmas dinner is complete without a good bottle of wino collapso.

Hell, I could even fit it an afternoon safari game drive if I wanted to.


How fekkin brilliant is that?


No clean up
No burnt fingers
No post dishes exhaustion
No anticlimax blues
No promising to never do it again

I may even book a room and spend the night.

and now on to sometime completely different....have you guys seen the current viral YouTube video BatDad? 

Check it out.

Christmas Vlog

This time last year I was busy vlogging up a storm.

I think I may do another Christmassy blog this year, just for shits and giggles.

So in the meantime here's last year's version of 12 Days of Christmas

I'm a Weena, Wena!

In other words, I'm a winner!  WhoooofrikkenHoooo, Plonkers.

In October, I assisted Bailey Schneider on Twitter with the Old Mutual Shesha Tuks Celebrity Bloggers Amazing Race Challenge.

Helping Bailz decipher clues given to her, and zipping around Sandton in her very own Tuk-Tuk Taxi to ultimately come in 4th in the Challenge. 

It was so much fun to be a part of it  (even if it was just behind my keyboard watching my Twitter feed)

I was not only thanked by the beautiful Bailey on her blog, but I got contacted recently to say I'd won a prize for assisting her with the clues on the day.

I'll be receiving my brand new Kindle soon!

Can you say excited??  That's an understatement!!!

The Gorgeous Bailey and her driver

Well done to all the bloggers who took part; Warren Harding, Damon Crawford, Hendri Lategan, Dean Oelschig (who was the overall winner of the Challenge), Mike Stopforth, Mike Sharman, Thulane Hadebe, Lerato Sengadi and Lucia Mthiyane.

 

Thank you to Old Mutual, Shesha Tuks and Bailey Schneider for gifting me with such a great prize - just when I needed it the most.

Christmas Day with A Daft Scots Lass Clan

Christmas Morning Loot

Megan soopa happy about her electric scooter

A Daft Scots Lass opening her prezzies in her jammies

Megan and her Lego

KK and her microphone

More gifts

My 15 inch digital photo frame

Hubby and his Tom Tom

KK and her electric Lamborgini

Megan and her scooter

Christmas Lunch by the Pool

Monday Christmas Music Moves Me

Go link up with Xmas Dolly for Christmas Monday Music Moves Me and share your favourite Christmas Toonz.

Here are only a few of mine.











and of course my 12 days of Christmas Daft Scots Lass Style

It's Starting to Feel a lot like Christmas and Two Letters to Santa

Kaylin's Christmas Letter (she drew the pictures and signed it)

Megan's Letter To Santa

We went around the neighbourhood on Thursday night to check out the neighbourhood Christmas lights.

Here's some pictures of the fun!

BlogFestivus and the 12th Day of Christmas

One the 12th Day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

... Twelve Drummers Drumming.

Welcome to the final day of the 12 Days of Christmas Blog Challenge, Plonkers! 

For the last day, I wanted to find something that comes in dozens - it was either eggs, or doughnuts. And because I craved jammy doughnuts when I was pregnant with Megan, and they come in dozens - so jam doughnuts it is!


What a BANGIN BlogFestivus is has been!  

Huge props go out to Blogdramedy for hosting the 12 Days of Christmas Blogfest. I've enjoyed it, thoroughly.  I've enjoyed how in the first few days it started as one thing, and landed up twisting into something completely whack-a-doodle!  I've enjoyed reading all the over participant's submissions and I must admit mine has been second rate compared to their talents.  

I've picked up some new Bloggers to follow from it and I can't wait to read more.

For your amusement, here is my daft, full version of 12 Days of Christmas.



"12 Jammy Doughnuts
11 Soccer Hotties
10 Seasons of Big Bang Theory
9 Inch Vibrating Dildo
8 Shots of Botox
7 Priceless Plonkers
6 Penguin Biscuits
5 Gigs of Porn
4 Liverpool Blokes
3 Brontë Sisters
2 Jimmy Choos
And Jamie Oliver’s Satay Chicken on a Stick"






Don't forget that we're back on track with Caption My Daft Photo Competition tomorrow.  I have a cracker for you beautiful Plonkers!

Blogfestivus 11th Day of Christmas

On the 11th Day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

...11 Pipers Piping

Oh don’t get me wrong, I love me some big hairy-arsed Scottish Pipers in kilts *swoon* but its not REALLY what I envisioned in my pretty Christmas stocking.

My preference would be 11 members of the Italian Soccer Team.  *Double Drool* 

*sigh* There's something about a soccer player's phyisque that I can really sink my teeth into.  I mean just look at them....sjoe!  I feel my heart rate racing already.  Must be the abs, no wait its the calves, no its the ink, no its the quads, no its...


Santa, just leave them under the tree chanting soccer songs amongst themselves until I get there.

Almost there...

"11 Soccer Hotties

10 Seasons of Big Bang Theory

9 Inch Vibrating Dildo

8 Shots of Botox

7 Priceless Plonkers

6 Penguin Biscuits

5 Gigs of Porn

4 Liverpool Blokes

3 Brontë Sisters

2 Jimmy Choos

And Jamie Oliver’s Satay Chicken on a Stick"

Be sure to come back tomorrow to see A Daft Scots Lass singing the full version of 12 Days of Christmas tomorrow.

Blogfestivus Day #10

On the 10th Day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

...Ten Lords-a-Leaping

But it just doesn't sound right.

I have this sordid, vivid image in my head of naked fugly fat blokes playing leap frog with other lardy blokes.  I know you cannot visualise but it even sounds suspect and so unappealing.  Highly offensive indeed and I know offensive.  I’m the Offensive Queen.

Henceforth, I’d rather the song go: 

Ten Seasons of Big Bang Theory.  

Now, I know 10 seasons sounds like a LOT of Big Bang Episodes but I worship this show.  Its my ultimate favourite!  You don’t understand how much I look forward to my weekly BBT fix every week.  I dream of the geek that is Sheldon Cooper.  So that’s why I’d rather see him sporting crown, than 10 royal fuglies.

And thus:

"10 Seasons of Big Bang Theory

9 Inch Vibrating Dildo

8 Shots of Botox

7 Priceless Plonkers

6 Penguin Biscuits

5 Gigs of Porn

4 Liverpool Blokes

3 Brontë Sisters

2 Jimmy Choos

And Jamie Oliver’s Satay Chicken on a Stick"

BlogFestivus 8th Day of Christmas

For those of you who don't already know, I'm doing the 12 Days of Christmas Blog Challenge hosted by Blogdramedy and we're on Day #8

All together now..

"On the 8th Day of Christmas my true love sent to me...


...8 Maids a Milking"

Now Plonkers, I don't do milk (not even in my beloved cuppa Vanilla tea) and I don't do maids, so I'd rather have 8 shots of Botox.  

This is actually a running joke (as opposed to a standing-still joke?)  between my hubby and I.  When my hubby asks me what I want for my birthday or anniversary or Christmas, I always say I want Botox and Fillers and he laughs at me!  

I am serious, demmit!  No jokes!

I'm incredibly pro plastic surgery, if it makes you feel better about yerself.  If I had my way, I'd shove and winkle myself to the front of the queue at The Extreme Makeover show.

After the Botox, I wouldn't mind some liposuction and a tummy tuck.  I'm serious! I'm not one of those women who want to age gracefully.  Usually it's the young and gorgeous that say that anyway.  I say, Fuck that, Bitches!  The technology is there - use it!   

Face lift for my Fiftith birthday, here we come (I guess I better start saving).

S-E-R-I-A-S, its really what I want for my next prezzie.  I shite you not. I'm not being sarcastic (for a change).

Anyone got some discount coupons for Dr 90210?

And so my 12 Days of Christmas Song resumes:

"8 shots of Botox
7 Priceless Plonkers
6 Penguin Biscuits
5 Gigs of Porn
4 Liverpool Blokes
3 Bronte Sisters
2 Jimmy Choos
And Jamie Oliver's Satay Chicken on a Stick"

Stick around until day #12 and you'll hear me sing the full song!

BlogFestivus 7th Day of Christmas

On the 7th Day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

....Seven Swans a Swimming. 

Nah, its has been changed to Seven Plonkity Plonkers

Yeah, I'm talking about you fiesty Plonkers. 

Some of you have mentioned that when I call you Plonkers you feel insulted, it could not be further from the truth!  

It is definitely a massive term of endearment and its a word that I only use for YOU guys.

Och aye, only you wonderful peeps that read by blog, that comment on my blog and some of you that read but never comment and yet still come back get the honour of being called a Plonker.  Cherish it, like I cherish y'all. 

I think you folks are simply BANGIN!

Thus, My Twelve Days of Christmas melody matures to include YOU, yes you...

"Seven Priceless Plonkers
Six Penguin Biscuits
Five Gigs of Porn
Four Liverpool Blokes
Three Brontë Sisters
Two Jimmy Choos
And Jamie Oliver's Satay Chicken on a Stick"

BlogFestivus Half Way - Day 6

On the Sixth Day of Christmas my true love sent to me…

…Six Geese-a-Laying.

Hey Plonkers!  We’re half way through the 12 Days of Christmas Blog Challenge hosted by Blogdramedy and to celebrate I made a wee video.

Now, I don’t know about you but I’ve never seen a Goose laying, nor a goose being laid for that matter.  I’ve always been the doochebag running away while they honk at me and nip at my heels.  A friend of mine who had a farm, had Geese and she swore that they were the best guard pets ever!  They honk at any intruder and make a horrific noise - they chase you and bite you – bloody nasty Geese!  

Anyhoonk, back to my 12 Days of Christmas and so I will be switching it up to

“Six Penguin Biscuits

5 Gigs of Porn

4 Liverpool Blokes

3 Brontë Sisters

2 Jimmy Choos

And Jamie Oliver’s Satay Chicken on a Stick”

Fifth Day of Christmas - Blogfestivus

On the 5th Day of Christmas my true love sent to me ...


....5 Gold Rings


Well, I have other rings...erm things in mind for MY 12 Days of Christmas.  Oh yeah, you Plonkers know what I'm talking about.  Good old fashioned filthy porn!  


We couldn't....correction... I couldn't have 12 Happy Days of Christmas without a good fat chunk of porn.   


Gosh, this wee song of mine has taken many twists and turns, hasn't it just indeed.  Och aye, just the way I like it.  It wouldn't have "A Daft Scots Lass" stamp of approval if there wasn't as wee bit of saucy shoved into the pie.


Hence, the song continues to flourish and mutate its own swagger...


"5 Gigs of Porn
4 Liverpool Blokes
3 Brontë Sisters
2 Jimmy Choos
And Jamie Oliver's Satay Chicken on a Stick"

BlogFestivus Day 4 and Monday Music

On the 4th Day of Christmas my true love sent to me....

..Four Calling Birds

I’m not talking about budgies, I’m not talking about girls, I’m talking about song birds and that would be the most famous fab four ever, namely:  John, Paul, George and Ringo aka The Beatles.

I love The Beatles and grew up listening to their music as my big Skin ‘n Blister (sister) was, and still is, a MASSIVE Beatles fan. Thanks to her, I know most of the words to all their hit songs and  how to sing all the harmonies…pretty pathetic, I know.

So, I figured, seeing as its Monday and I usually do Monday Music Moves Me over at Xmas Dolly, I thought I’d tie the two together and, you know, kill two birds with one stone. I hear you groaning, Oh I know, it’s a “cheap” shot….(Kak Grap gaan sit in die hoek!)

Well, A Daft Scots Lass’ 12 Days of Christmas song now goes :

Four Liverpool Blokes,

Three Brontë Sisters,

Two Jimmy Choos

And Jamie Oliver's Satay Chicken on a Stick.

BlogFestivus Day 3

On the 3rd Day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

...Three French Hens

Jaysus, I just realised that there are a LOT of fucking birds in the 12 Days of Christmas song!  

Who in their right mind wants all those birds squeaking and squawking all over the place?  I also realised that my 12 Days of Christmas is taking another twist.  It started it off with one thing in mind and now it seems to be developing into something completely different - Talk about always getting distracted!

It has turned into a string of things I'd RATHER have during the 12 Days of Christmas, rather than the actual lyrics in the song.  Brilliant!

So my 3rd day of Christmas will now be turned into three Brontë Sisters : Anne, Emily, and Charlotte Brontë.  I love the Brontë lassies, their books are classic greats, the films are awesome.  They are all so different but yet fierce for the era in which they wrote their stories.

And so the song now grows into:

"Three Brontë Sisters
Two Jimmy Choos 
And Jamie Oliver's Satay Chicken on a Stick"

Remember to stick around for the 12th day when I'll have a wee surprise for the Blogfestivusgoers.  Oh I know you'll be BANGIN it!

Blogfestivus 2nd Day of Christmas and a Shoegasm

On the 2nd Day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

...two turtle doves!

We have loads of Turtle Doves here in South Africa and I call them stupid because they're always getting hit by cars and caught by dometics pets.  I'm convinced that they are fucking half-blind because they're reflexes are so slow and sluggish.  However, the symbol of two turtle doves is apparently a sublime vision of earthly love and friendship.

Oh yeah, don't get me wrong, I love me some earthly love and friendship....yes, something incredibly close to my heart, but I will not be going down that route today. I'll be sticking to my regular run-of-the-mill random crap.

So, instead of two turtle doves I will replace them with something fucking BANGIN, which also comes in pairs....

I have thought good and hard about this and my favourite thing that comes in pairs and that would be shoes, heels in particular.  Twix comes a VERY close second but because it's Friday and I normally do my Friday's Shoegasm feature... 

Anyone who regularly reads my bloggy drivel will know that I'm a complete Shoeoholic and so, this will be my replacement for two Turtle Doves.

So, the song now goes...

"Two Jimmy Choos

And Jamie Oliver's Satay Chicken on a Stick"