Tuesday, 27 December 2011

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart


Whether you're teeming with frustration, overwhelmed with envy, or just plain in the mood, there are unlimited reasons to blast off an insult.  From fuck words to long-winded dialogues, back-handed compliments to in-yer-face jeers, sometimes you've gotta say what's really on yer mind.

The personal benefits of releasing such negative energy far outweigh someone else's hurt feelings, especially if they're a raging Plonker!

You'll feel empowered, in control, and generally truck loads better about yerself by taking down those doochebags around you.  In today's world, niceness is completely overrated.

Philosophers understand that the pleasure of a skillfully delivered insult, and the frequently ensuing amusement, comes from the enjoyment of contrasting our own superiority with the foibles of others.

Often we're in a situation where the moment presents itself to deliver the perfect cracker of a doozy but we're at a loss for what to say and what to insult.  Only afterwards do we think of what we should have said.  When this happens just remember The theory of relativity

Relatively speaking, someone is always fatter or skinnier, older or younger - even if only by a few ounces or days.  If they're dumber than a doorknob, pick on their intelligence (this is a personal favourite of mine).  If they're smarter, mock their arrogance.  If they're mean, impugn their character.  If, on the other hand, you find yourself at the  receiving end of a disparaging remark, you'll need a witty comeback. 

It's the survival of the fittest and morons lurk everywhere. 

Despite the age-old saying that "words will never hurt me" but we all know that a biting comment can be a devastatingly effective slap in the face. 

It's not easy being fucking mean but it sure is fun!


12 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Sounds like you have mastered the snark, my dear!

Mark said...

Okay, remind me not to insult you. I think you might be skilled in the fine art of the Comeback.
m.

YeamieWaffles said...

I agree so much with everything here, there are some people who just know how to wind up others, I hate those types! With that said you being annoyed is what those kind of people want so sometimes it's best to leave it. It's fully understandable though!

Joshua said...

So, it was Christmas Day. It was dark, I was leaving the parking deck of the botanical gardens. There was a guy in a reflective yellow coat directing traffic. He waved me to go. A guy and his mom crossed right in front of me anyway. The guy yelled "Right of way!" I yelled "Fuck you," and proceeded to squeal my tires, forcing them to jump out of my way. And as I drove away, I yelled out the window "Merry Fucking Christmas, Assholes!"

Yeah...I was in a bad, bad mood.

Not So Simply Single said...

OH MY GOD>>>> You always crack me up girl!

Happy New Years! Cheers to you, my favorite ginger! xo

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

Ha Ha I needed this today :)

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

Ha Ha I needed this today :)

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

Ha Ha I needed this today :)

nitebyrd said...

I dunno, Lass. Maybe next time you shouldn't hold back, tell us how you REALLY feel!

LOL! LOVE the .gif!

Hope you and yours had a fab Christmas!

Michael Offutt, Supra-Genius said...

In not so many words...the truth shall set you free but it won't make you any friends.

Bailey Hammond said...

AH yes, the snarky quips intended to belittle the already little. I get all toasty just thinking about yelling obscenities at people while I'm driving. The car is my zone of Free Speech.

JamericanSpice said...

I usually do it iin my mind. I hate hurting people's feelings but dangit it makes me pissed for days to bottle it up.

I agree to just say it out. Oy but yes words are a mighty sword. or is it the tongue?

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